what if you were in Brian's shoes rather than in his W's shoes? If you'd been hospitalized twice and had surgery and many dicey nights without your H, who was caring for his seriously ill mother instead, how would you be with that?

To explicitly answer this question:

For ME, if I really felt that Raven needed to be by my side, I would call and ASK him to be by my side. If I didn't ask and his parents had asked, then the fact is he would not be making a value judgment as much as meeting what he thinks is the critical priority at the moment. In other words the person who is closest to death and NEEDS the most attention is the one he would prioritize. IF, by chance, his mother and I were exactly equal in needs, then I suppose I would expect he would choose me. BUT if he was not aware of the equal needs, then why would it be surprising that he would choose the person that voiced their needs the clearest.

TO be clear, saying that my mother was by my side would NOT elevate the needs because it would reinforce that I had someone with me.

However in my case, obviously, Raven and I have a healthy, giving relationship with open communication. Neither of us leaves the other in a position of needing to guess the others needs. It does not mean that each of us is able to completely meet the other's needs 100% of the time. Yet we seem to avoid hurt feelings by being honest about how we are feeling.

In Brian's case unfortunately, his wife was in trouble way before this incident. He specifically said that she is selfish and self centered so it is no surprise that her actions with her mother would be viewed as an extension of that selfish behavior. Whereas those of us reading this do not have the same background to "know" about this consistently selfish behavior and we are just "judging" her behavior based on this specific example.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus