Have had some positives lately and some negative I guess...I fell into some R talking. I had surgery Friday, and was worried that H would drop me off and disappear. I basically asked him if that was his plan as he has been trying to act as if we are divorced already even though we aren't for the past few months. Then H said, well we would be separated but I can't afford it, I'll have more money when we are divorced. And I said do you think so? (Because the divorce attorney I saw said that probably isn't true he will have to pay me permanent alimony, extra custody, the kids have special needs, etc. & she seemed to think he will have less money after the divorce, and said he would be an idiot to divorce me financially speaking.) I didn't say any of that of course. Then he asked well do you want me to move out? And I said no, you know how I feel about you (code for I still love him without saying so) and he said yes, he does, and I said the kids obviously are happy to live with their dad as well. I think that was the first time he realized maybe that he does have a choice (has been making a choice about living with us), and maybe me too.
Then I dodged a couple R bullets by saying something like because we have 3 in the relationship (including the OW) we can't discuss something else in a fair way and another question by saying we could have the attorneys handle that, all stuff I've read here on this board! We ended the discussion by laughing actually and in a friendly way, so even though it was probably not good that I started it cause I was nervous about him ditching me, it ended well.
Then before and after the surgery, which went well, H was wonderful! The nurses had a huge exam they were studying for, so they disappeared down the hall most of the time, and every time I needed them H would go down and find the nurse for me. He only left once to take one break which I thought for sure would be a marathon texting session with the OW or something, but he went and got a soda and came right back a minute later! He was truly wonderful! When we got home, he got Pizza Hut which I had been dreaming about all day b/c I couldn't eat all day and my surgery was like 3:00pm and then brought me medicine every 4 hours. He was great! I did thank him for that, too!
Saturday, he usually spends hours, 4 or 5 with the OW, and he only spent about 30 minutes with her. I am thinking she either didn't show or they had a fight? H stopped in to give me my pain meds before he left and spent the rest of the day with us. He did spend some time working on his porch!, but did watch Pirates of the Caribbean 2 with the family also.
Sunday he usually has been meeting with the OW in the morning for a few hours and not going to church for the past few months. Today he didn't meet with her at all, then took the kids to church, totally on his own, not asked by me at all. I am still a little out of it after the surgery so am home with that. I am encouraged both by his not seeing the OW and even more happy by his going to church.
The only blemish in this is that H is still talking about divorce, even a little bit more than usual it seems like, and wants to take my D8 to a play this afternoon without me, that he knows I would enjoy as well. I guess I need to keep DBing, GALing, etc. Does anyone else have any advice or comments on recent developments in my life? Oh, my audition is tomorrow for the play that I want to try to be in which is "Mame", so hopefully I can limp on over to the theatre tomorrow and try to do my best on that! (I guess the dance auditions are out for me, but they were anyway since I have two left feet!!!)
