Willing to be disturbed...

[ediemarie]

Ok - so i HAVE to do something about this sex thing. It is driving me nuts - we're at the 2 year mark for no sex. Nothing. Not even fooling around - nada, zip, zero. And I'm starting to show signs of aggression (lol) towards H via sarcastic comments. This is becoming a problem. Although, H does appear to be showing signs of waking up in that arena - he at least commented on my new underwear the other day (and how I looked in it) - so at least I know I got his attention, and I did try to initiate Friday evening but got shot down - majorly. That was tough to take. And enough to discourage me for awhile.

H beat me to the punch with planning a weekend away - he brought it up a few nights ago that he'd like to go away for Valentine's weekend. We both have Monday off so that will be nice. We're still deciding where to go, but I was encouraged by that. We have fun traveling and maybe, just maybe, this will be exactly what we need - I just don't want to get my hopes up. We've gone away before for Valentine's day weekend and NOT had sex.

I think it's time for a sit-down-face-to-face-could-be-awkward conversation. I need to phrase this exactly right.

I'm thinking of saying something like:
H, I love you very much and am so glad for how far we've come. I would like to continue building on those good times. Our sex life concerns me. I want to be able to express to you, physically, how I feel for you. I also realize that you may not be ready for that and i don't want to push you into something you're not ready for.

What I really want to say is:
If we don't fix this, I don't think I can stay in this marriage.

I know I'm not asking too much for my H and I to ML. I just think there is a fine line between asking and pushing. In my experience with my H, I've learned that:
- the more I push him to do something, the more he won't
- he mind-reads and then makes decisions based on what he thinks I mean or intend rather than what I say/feel - or he doesn't take into account what I want and does what he feels like doing
- allowing him to take ownership of the situation (rather than me initiating a fix to the sitch) garners action
- if I don't bring things up as a problem he will never acknowlege it and act on it

So, I'm trying to craft a message that is loving, caring, and positive but not pushy or critical. In the past, letting H fix the problem and guaranteeing my patience (and then following through with those) has truly helped us. I can't figure out how to do this with the sex thing. Help???