You're situation is a lot like mine, although from my H's point of view. I know he has been thinking of leaving off and on for years, but I've never seen him in the state he was in during the time that he was actually making the decision to leave. If that's what you're going through right now, I'm very sorry.
I do think that your W has issues that she will need to address if things are to get better for you guys and agree that they go much deeper than sex - but that's a BIG symptom. People do have varying levels of need for interaction. When my H starts to move closer to me and be more physically affectionate, as my H has been doing lately, I start to find it annoying after a while, even though not so long ago I was really wishing that he would start to behave that way. Annoying isn't the right word, even - it just starts to feel like too much. For him, it's probably starting to feel like close to enough, finally, so the challenge for me is to deal with my feelings, or find a way to communicate it to him (hard to do when we're still not having any R talks - I wonder how long I continue that, when it seems that he's staying, at least for now?) while still trying to give him what he needs.
Anyway, my point is that if you are able to say that to your W and mean it at least 90% (because there will be that part of you that's hoping!), it may be just be the shake up she needs. It has certainly worked for me - hopefully I'll be able to hold on to these changes without having to go through this stress again.
I actually don't think it's a crap plan at all and think you're very brave to be considering it. It's really hard to put everything on the line, to say 'that's it, I've had enough'. The way you're living isn't good for your W either and maybe someday she'll thank you for taking a stand.
You have to deal with valentine's day and your anniversary almost at the same time, plus your son leaving? Yikes. February is going to be a rough month for you, so take care of yourself.
