Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[hope2wrkitout]

JF--

Please check out my thread and give me some of your good advice.

[JennyF]

Things are a little bit crazy right now!
I'm going to try to keep this brief, but here it goes.

My D's 3rd b-day is next week. H and I said we would spend that night (thurs) with just him, me and the 2 kids. That if there were going to be celebrations with family members, we would do them separately. Fine.
H is in Vegas right now for work, before he left I told him I was having a little party for her this weekend. She really wants one. I told him a few different people were invited. My parent's and friends. All mutual friends so this was a little weird. I kind of got "dibs" on them because this is my weekend.
And he said, "good, then I'll do something with his mom and sisters next weekend".
Still following me?
So today, my SIL calls. I love her...we get along well and she has been really supportive of me through all of this. She asks me what is going on for D's b-day. I got really uncomfortable. I'm not supposed to invite them right? Now I KNOW that I could ask them here if I wanted to. But I don't know if I want to! In fact I could easily have SIL here, but I can't invite her without inviting MIL. And I'm having some MIL issues here too.
MIL is a wonderful person, but she basically fell off the face of the earth when it concerns me. In 4 months she has called me maybe once or twice. Even since I had the baby she doesn't call. This is someone I was close to! This is someone who used to smother me and now she can't even acknowledge me. Now she is going through a lot right now, her H did this to her and now her S? It's like it's happening all over again to her. I'm trying not to fault her for her actions. But the fact remains that I am hurt by it. So it would be uncomfortable to have her here tomorrow night and I don't want there to be this giant elephant in the room if she were here. I think it make other people uncomfortable too.
So SIL tells me that I can expect her to stop by tomorrow night after 7. I didn't really invite her, she kind of just told me. Now this is not rude, it's what sisters are supposed to do! But now it's all complicated thanks to H. He has made such an effort to cut me out of ALL of his family related activities. To the point that he wouldn't even give me the Christmas gift that his Grandma and Aunt got for me. So what do I do?
ANYWAY, there's more. So I haven't heard from MIL in weeks. Literally I think I spoke to her New Years Eve because I called her. And tonight out of the blue she calls and asks me over for dinner. I ended up inviting her here instead (I didn't want to drag the kids out in a snow storm!).
My SIL came over too. We had a great night. They got to hang out with the kids. When D went to bed, we had a nice game of Scrabble. It was really great to just hang out with them again. Now the whole time I haven't said a word about the party. But I can tell it's sitting there waiting to be acknowledged. I waited until they were leaving and I brought it up.
I just told them that I felt really bad that I hadn't mentioned it to them and explained why. They understood. And agreed it's awkward. The conversation went on a bit, me ranting about the sitch blah blah blah.
But I never did ask them to come. I feel this is the right decision for the party and for myself. I just want to enjoy myself. BUT, I feel REALLY guilty about it. I do want them here...but I guess not under these circumstances.

So that's it.
I am looking forward to tomorrow. In the morning D and I have some shovelling to do! Then I have to finish her B-day cake. I'm really excited for her party! I have a lot of friends coming too, so hopefully once D is in bed we can relax and enjoy some wine!
J~

[Tomato]

Hi Jenny,

Sorry to hear things "are kinda crazy". I am still catching up with your update.

[Tomato]

Enjoy both the preparation for it, as well as the party itself.

It's nice celebrating these special occasions.

May the Lord's peace and grace continue to be bestowed upon you.

[Kalni]

Hi Jenny,

I 've been following your sitch and today I felt I had to tell you this : Do not feel guilty about your ILs. You are not doing this to them. Somebody else is. He should deal with it. You have a lot in your hands right now.
I felt exactly the same way you do about your MIL only for me it was the SIL, and FIL. We were pretty close and now they are "gone". I guess they are feeling weird and awkward. But I can't forgive them for putting their well being in priority and not supporting me and the kids at this rough time.

Enjoy your little one's BDay!!

Kalni

[Startingover2]

I think you did great. This is H's issue and they probably don't know what to do or say. I know my MIL wavers and supports me one day and then H the next. H is her son and she will protect him, but deep down she knows what he has done. Read my sich...I had an issue with MIl just this week.

You are showing yourself to be the bigger person. Good for you.

[Imconfused0807]

JennyF,

Does your husband by chance have a twin brother? Because I'm beginning to think he does and he's married to Momma of 2 2b.

I'm trying not to fault her for her actions. But the fact remains that I am hurt by it. So it would be uncomfortable to have her here tomorrow night and I don't want there to be this giant elephant in the room if she were here.

What, is she a large woman Sorry, I couldn't resist...I know, I'm going straight to hell for that one.

Jenny....3rd birthday, Wow!! We just had our daughter's 3rd b-day back in November. Do me a big favor...stay off of here for tomorrow, try not to think of your relationship for tomorrow...enjoy that 3rd birthday, take it all in...lots of pictures. Enjoy it!!! You deserve it

PS. What kind of cake?

- IC {IC...who is laying in the hospital trying to figure out what his dinner dessert actually is }

[blindsided1]

Just checking in with you wondering how the party went. I'm sure it was wonderful.

[lizzy]

Jenny, I am behind on your thread again. Sorry, I will be back to check up on you. Just wanted to know I am thinking of you and sending out ((((((hugs)))))).

[JennyF]

Life is good.
I'm sitting here enjoying a piece of D's B-day cake & a glass of wine. And I just happen to be pumping too...one handed typing is fun!
Both kids are in bed fast asleep after a wonderful weekend!
My D's B-day was a blast. She had so much fun. There were a LOT of people here including 8 kids under the age of 3! D had so much fun, but so did I. I really felt for the first time in a while that I was enjoying social time without "my sitch" looming over my head somewhere. I think not seeing H for a few days has been good. I hope now that we have a schedule in place I won't have to see him as much.
I feel really detached right now which is good. But this week I have to deal with some financial issues that I'd rather not be dealing with. I have to decid whether or not I want to buy him out of the house. I'm leaning toward no, I'll know better when I talk to the bank and then my lawyer.
But I'm forgetting about that for tonight! I enjoyed my cake and and am really enjoying the wine. I savour every sip because I can't have much while breastfeeding. And I'm done pumping so I can type with 2 hands now.

IC,

Does your husband by chance have a twin brother? Because I'm beginning to think he does and he's married to Momma of 2 2b.

I know it's scary isn't it? Don't know if you've read any of my posts on her thread, but it is uncanny how similar the sitch's are.

What, is she a large woman Sorry, I couldn't resist...I know, I'm going straight to hell for that one.

LOL! I did have a joke to this affect following that sentence, but I erased it because it wasn't coming out right...you nailed it! Thanks!

{IC...who is laying in the hospital trying to figure out what his dinner dessert actually is }

First of all, sorry you're in the hospital. I hope everything is ok. Second, I'm sorry to gone on and on about my homemade birthday cake with buttercream icing when you're eating hospital dessert!

Thanks everyone else for checking up on me too.

I feel good. After a weekend like this you really count your blessings and realize they're more abundant than you think. At one point I started to get sad today thinking about the time I lose with my kids when they're with H. But if I keep doing that, I won't enjoy the time I am with them.

I'm nearing a point where I realize that I have to make the very best of this situation. I hate the situation. I would give anything to change it. But I can't so. So why be miserable in the meantime? My kids deserve better than that.

And as always with the DB world, it is only when I can really do this, be happy and content with my new life that I am giving it the best chance to bring my family back together. Oh the irony.

It feels really good to...well...feel good!
J~