Our thoughts are with you my man. As Jim Morrison said, "This is the worst part of the trip." Give her a lot of space. Unfortunately, she came back from the trip angry, not your issue.
The more you pull, the more she will push away from you.
Ignore her. Reject her. Make it obvious that your life will be fine without her.
When my W and I first separated, if I went dark for 24 hours, she would automatically call. You could set your watch to it.
Not a good night last night. She started to R talk and told me she was done, she loves me but had no feeling left for me. I offered to set her free and get her an apartment for a year. She is going to ask her lawyer. She said she may move in with a friend. She said she didn't have enough time to work on us, life is to short. She said she didn't know if she wanted to work on her relationship with OM or not but I know she does. I need to set her free. The things that are coming out of her mouth are unreal like our marrage was never good, she should have done this ten years ago, all of my efforts to provide a great home and all didn't matter.
I am almost OK with it at this moment. Things have been bad for a while and maybe there is someone better for me out there that wants to spend time with me and enjoy the things I like to do and not bicker and fight all the time. I am looking forward to life outside of this. If she comes back so be it.
BT - Sorry things did not work out for you. The timing of the cruise was terrible. Probably gave her too much time to think.
Be prepared for a rough ride. Do not talk about divorce, alimony, child support, etc. That will get you nowhere. If it definitely comes to divorce, let the lawyers hash out the details. She is going to try and push your buttons.
Keep doing the therapy and welcome to the support group. Next mtg is 2nd wk of Feb.
After 4 months, my anxiety and depression over this situation has lifted. I eat well, sleep, work is going well and do things I enjoy. But.... each morning I wake up and feel very sad about what has been lost. I look at my 7 year old daughter and say to myself that this is not fair to you. She deserves so much better.
I am sorry for how things have gone for you BT...but you are cultivating the right attitude.
Change what you can. Accept what you can't. Have the wisdom to know the difference.
There is someone for everyone, and you are correct in thinking that there is a woman out there somewhere that will appreciate the gifts you have to give.
Chin up, pal!
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Sorry guys but I am all over the place. sometimes I think I just want to get this D overwith and move on and the next minute I am crying thinking of her w/ OM and not here for me and the kids. The mean things she says make me feel so worthless. These are very tough times for me. I wish my mind could be still and I could think properly. I know I am a great person, Dad and husband and no one will tell me different. There are so many people in this world that love me (they are coming out of the woodwork now) yet only one that wants to drag me down and destroy me and she is the one I love the most. This is very hard! "Do you need anybody, yeah, I need somebody to love"
BT - Stay in this forum, there are real pros here such as Hound Dog and Dom R. You are trying to avoid separation, so you can get a lot of good advice right here.
You are on the roller coaster and it is normal to feel like your spouse is trying to destroy you. Your wife has "demonized" you in order to justify her actions. The more you push, the more she will pull. There is no logic here.
The best thing you can do right now for her and YOU is to give her a lot of space. Stay the hell away from her right now. Go hit golf balls, hang out with your kids or friends, enjoy the superbowl, lots of fun things to do without W.
You did nothing wrong!
You are not an alcoholic, you did not beat your wife, you are not a drug addict, you did not sqaunder the kids college funds, you did not cheat.
You are a normal American Alpha male who provided an amazing life for their family.
I beat myself up for 4 months thinking of all of the things I could have done differently - pointless. All it does is lead to anxiety and depression. That you do not need!
