All Hope is lost/Help - Part 2

[Evie]

Seek, not at all, no offence taken what soever. You hinted at a negative behaviour pattern. The more I thought about it during the day, the more i realised i WAS/AM controlling. I Thank you for pointing it out (((Seek))).

I clicked on a link somewhere here on the BB, for the 'marriage builders' site. It was all about how daily/weekly/monthly/yearly rituals were the glue that connected us and held us togther. One couple were so badly in crisis that this Dr had even lost hope himself that they would reconcile. He offered to keep trying and eventually the couple did reconcile - the answer - their Friday night jewish meal ritual.

I have given 'our rituals' a lot of thought. When we first got together and had our first house, we had a huge cast iron bath and most nights we would bath together, that stopped when we moved house and didn't have such a huge bath and we started working irregular hours.

I think i'm more in favour of rituals than H and I don't think we ever really created enough of them. I like our ritual on Xmas eve where we sit together and wrap the presents for the kids sacks and enjoy a take away meal. We didn't have the takeaway meal this past xmas but we still wrapped presents together.

The people that were inteviewed on this marriage builders website all made time for each other, they nearly all had a daily or weekly ritual that they put in the diaries and they stuck to it. With the hours we work, we didn't do that and I niavely thought we were indestructable......

When H and I got together I already had my daughters, so we had a ready made family. We didn't have any time on our own to get to know one another. I think this is what H means when he said he had no space. The only space we used to get was when the girls went to their dads alternate weekends and I guess when that stopped H may have felt WE as a couple lost something?

One thing H did, and i never paid any importance to it, but maybe it was important to him, but he used to call me during the day at work. Now we all know how much that has got on my nerves in the last few months, but maybe thats being his way of 'connecting'? Maybe I should just loosen up and build on these calls when I get them?

x Eve