Some of you have seen me at the "I need support" board, as I have posted there more. Here's my link to history: W&M History This will give you some more background and feelings I've had almost daily.
My dilema now. DD spent her first overnight with D Saturday. (He's been gone 5 weeks today). She is almost 5 yrs old. They stayed at a friends house where he is house sitting. She told me Monday night that, "Her Dad's friend, Jo, she has a dog with hair bows in its hair." I clarified the best I could that "Jo" is a girl. She answered yes. She went on to say that "Jo" has pretty flowers that smell good. I asked if "Jo" lived in a house, yes. I asked if "Jo" is pretty, she said yes. I asked if Daddy kissed "Jo", she said no, she's just daddy's friend. I've also tried to figure out when they actually saw her. There wasn't much time in the weekend, because I talked to him twice and she's told me what they did.
I've been consumed ever since she told me. I actually went alittle crazy and took pictures out of frames of me and him together, including wedding pictures, I went in his room at my house that still has all his stuff in it (he is slowing cleaning it out) and tore down all his ticket stubs, pictures, etc off the dresser. Just basicly trying to hurt him like I hurt.
I have no idea who "Jo" is. I can't even think of someone we know that has a "Jo" daughter. I asked DD last night if anybody else was at the house with her, Daddy and "Jo". She said no, that her (Jo) daddy wasn't there, he had gone somewhere. Well that confused me, but remember this is out of the mouth of a five year old.
Now, he is "living" with a guy from work. I had a friend run his name and SS through our DMV files and found where he has registered his new truck to, which is supposed to be where he is living. I confirmed through a friend last night that his truck was at this apartment. But still don't know who the apartment is leased too. And they are one bedrooms. My friend just called and could tell that both his work truck and personel car was there, but no other work trucks. So if his "friend" that he works with there, he is either a girl or doesn't have a work van like H. Which kinda surprises me?
I honestly don't believe that this "A" has been going on too long. I can account for almost every day before he left, with the exception of the week before. He said he was working, but when he told me he was leaving, he confessed that he hadn't worked 2 of the 3 nights he was gone. But before that he was either at work or at a local bar hanging with the guys (and I know the cliental... believe me, no "Jo".) I also get all the CC bills and his check was direct deposited into the checking account and I kept the checks. He wasn't spending an unsual amount of money till the week before he left.
My question is: Do I confront him? Or do I wait and see if he takes DD to see "Jo" on her next weekend visit (April 27). Do I try and follow him or have him followed this weekend and see if he visits "Jo" again? I'm almost to the point of making myself sick. I mean, what if there were other people at the house. Or what if he is actually living with another woman????
Oh my, this split was so much easier when it was just him being unhappy, tired of the bitching and argueing.... now I feel like there is no hope in him coming back. No matter how much I DB or love him.
There are 2 sayings I try to think about before anything comes out of my mouth.1.Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.2.break apart the word ass-u-me,thats what usually happens when you do it.Don't worry about it right now.
Everyone has to deal with it in their own way.I am just the type that can forgive once.Life is too short to be holding grudges,unfortunely my XW holds them a little longer and is still upset about some stuff.Let you're love grow inside of you as it is stronger than hate.
As hard as it is to do - be patient. And like one reply said - believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. Also, limit your advice requests to this board and a marriage counselor.Surprising as this may seem - your friends will get you in bad shape with bad advice. They will tell you what they think you want to hear and confuse empathy with advice. If H is having an A, chances are it will not last long, and it will offer an opportunity to realize howimportant you and his family are. This A could be an opportunity to fix your marriage. Be hopeful, pray a lot, be patient, and resist temptation to do anything stupid like confronting without any more real info. Confront him only if you have to - i.e. if he makes it public. I am pulling for you.
