She's Gone - No Contact

[NikB]

Atlas gave great advice I think.

It sounds like you're right that she wants nothing to do with you, at least not right now. I'm sorry to hear about the house, that must have stung. I think you need to get back to basics - no snooping, leave her alone, keep the focus on you.

I know this is hard but if you truly love her, you need to step away right now and let her figure out what it is she wants out of life. And... the best way to do that is figure it out for yourself too.. well, at least the parts you do have control over.

It's not up to you to persuade her, "fix" her, any of that. That's all her "job" and hopefully she'll decide to do it.

Regarding this part:

I know it sounds like I should be happy to get the hell out and find someone more mature, more emotionally healthy, more available, etc.

Actually I'd disagree with this. I think FIRST you should be focusing on becoming happy, healthy, and whole on your own - WITHOUT feeling that you "need" someone else in your life.

BUT I love her with all my heart and I am responsible for at least half the problems (my own issues from early childhood). I have tried SO hard to change my neediness, clinginess, etc. I have read the DR book a thousand times. I have been to a psychologist for over a year now.

Sounds like you've made some good progress, glad to hear that. Sounds like you also have a ways to go. I'd recommend setting some goals (not R goals, goals for you) and finding ways to work towards those.

As a start I'd recommend no more snooping and taking the focus off of her and what she's doing COMPLETELY..