Another possibility - and please don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking - could she be worried about the possibility of you "self-medicating" and then driving the car with the kids? Most moms I know are like momma bears about who and where their kids ride in a car; could she be worried about you?
I have never 'self medicated' and driven the kids. Ever. I also have never 'self medicated' before evening. I always did my best to fight off the anxiety and pain until it was overwhelming. Why do you continue to focus on this?
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As for telling the OM's wife - I vote for it. It may not be the best thing for your R; in fact, it usually backfires because the WAS is so mad you attempted to mess up their new R. ... Yes, it could stir up a hornet's nest - BUT - if you were her, wouldn't you want to know?
I can agree with you. But, I have no 'proof' what they are talking about / doing and W has been erasing all the messages so I could make an accusation that is incorrect. Second, I agree with AmyC, I have too much on my shoulders right now to DEAL with another problem.
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AS for telling your W you weren't going to the casino night: I would have handled that a little differently. "I'm not going" IS kind of passive-aggressive - "I'm not going and I'm springing it on you as a surprise and YOU figure it out!!!"
It wasn't a 'surprise'. If you read my previous posts I had told her the other night that I was probably not going to go.
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I would have recommended a different answer: "You know, I've decided not to go to that. I'm really not comfortable any more pretending to be a couple in public when we are separating and planning a divorce."
Since I've said this before, I think she know this.
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Oh - and as for the text messages - are you in a state where infidelity matters in the divorce court? If so, start collecting what evidence you need.