I think you are probably right on the affection thing. While in the midst of the A, he "had" to be physical with me so that I wouldn't catch on, even if he was feeling guilty. He talks a lot to the MC about being angry and bitter, he says that this is not where he expected his marriage/life to be, 34 years old, two affairs, on the brink of divorce. He says this is not what his parents, his extended family, or God would want for his life and that they all must think he is such an idiot. So I think he is beating himself up a lot.
He says he doesn't wear his ring b/c when he looks at it he thinks of all he has done wrong and messed up (and I know he was wearing the ring while physical with the OW several times so it may have a bad association). At dinner Wed. I did bring this up only b/c I had discussed it with my individual C. I told him that if the time came that he wanted to wear a wedding ring again, I was willing to go shopping for a new one. If he wanted a new ring to symbolize a new start to our relationship. He got a little choked up or at least it seemed that way to me and said thanks for the offer. He didn't accept or decline at this point...
I know he wonders why I would want to touch him, kiss him, etc. after all he has done to hurt me. He has a hard time accepting that this is b/c I am strong, not weak.
So I will do my best to be understanding and let him approach me on his own time table. But as far as me hugging/holding him, rubbing his arm when we pass in the hall, etc., do you think that is okay? He said it was okay if I did it. I don't want to pressure him, but I also DO want him to know that I still love him and that he IS "worthy" of this love despite his mistakes. As the Bible says, All have fallen short, just in different ways. I think he feels he deserves more punishment for his actions than I have given him. But I don't want to punish him. I want to work together to make our marriage better than before so it won't be as vulnerable to these types of problems in the future. Thanks for listening!
