Harassment laws. Even though they'd know it was from me, proving it would be impossible.
Quote:
Guess you have your answer as to why she's getting up at 5:00 am now.
No, it's not because of the messaging because she rarely does get up that early now. She seems to only get up then when she is restless. It also seems to coincide with nights when we have almost no contact, or contact that is 'curt'.
Quote:
The radio thing we are going to have to chat about.
Ha, I knew you'd say that! I just think it's an interesting coincidence. The radio station (Jill FM) is computerized so the songs have been scheduled way in advance. No 'forces of the universe' in action here. But her lack of response was interesting.
Today I'm getting back on program. Not going to do anything about her messaging. It's enough to know it continues. She has not said one word to me this morning, but she did forward me an e-mail that had a funny picture of a dog that looked like our dog squashed into the seat of a car with the caption "One Sign You're Driving Too Fast........".
I actually feel ok. A lot of stress though. Not so much because of her or the situation, but my mental state and financial pressure.
Oh, I did forget to mention that last night as we were driving to the Comedy show and I was talking about the current financial situation and the jobs I was doing that would be paying in a week or so which would help me catch up more on the bills, she told me she was going to be "working more" so she could make more money. It wasn't clear if she was looking for a job or not or just expanding her business somehow.
She then said that she might not be able to drop off /pick up the kids from school. Then she proceeded to say how she could 'pay' one of the other moms to take our kid to school.
Now, I work at home and have a very flexible schedule. I always get them whenever she has to work during those times. Why would it suddenly be 'not ok' to ask me to help?
So, I told her that there is no need to get someone to drive them, I will do it when needed.
This stuff makes no sense. It's like she feels like it's not ok to ask me to help WITH MY KIDS. I think it's because she has some bizarre idea that since we're not going to be 'friends' then she can't ask me for anything.
One other thought. I really dislike her friend 'P' who, as you may recall, came over last weekend and stayed to 'support' W. Well, she hasn't said anything about her coming this weekend but I have a dilemma. Since, in the end, this is MY house, I feel I have the right to say that I don't want her 'divorce friendly' friends coming to stay. I would prefer she go stay with THEM instead.
One other thought. I really dislike her friend 'P' who, as you may recall, came over last weekend and stayed to 'support' W. Well, she hasn't said anything about her coming this weekend but I have a dilemma. Since, in the end, this is MY house, I feel I have the right to say that I don't want her 'divorce friendly' friends coming to stay. I would prefer she go stay with THEM instead.
Right? Wrong? Controlling? Little Boy?
Wrong, controlling, and little boy in my opinion. Mostly because of two things.
First, and I could be wrong here, but the house belongs to both of you, does it not? I'm assuming if you've been married for some time that you bought the house as a married couple and have treated it as joint property during the marriage. If I'm off base here, it's strictly out of ignorance with the history of your sitch Frank, and I apologize.
I realize you're handling the finances, but I think a power move like this just because you pay the bills is a bit over the top.
Secondly, the better move in my opinion is to have a short conversation with her about your feelings regarding friends who are/have not been friendly to the marriage. Keep it cool, appeal to her sensitivity during this difficult time.
Just my opinion since you asked.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
No, it's not because of the messaging because she rarely does get up that early now. She seems to only get up then when she is restless. It also seems to coincide with nights when we have almost no contact, or contact that is 'curt'. OK, Frank. If that's what you really believe.
Ha, I knew you'd say that! I just think it's an interesting coincidence. And I believe there is no such thing as coincidence. The radio station (Jill FM) is computerized so the songs have been scheduled way in advance.Yeah. How about that. What are the odds?
No 'forces of the universe' in action here. Agreed. It's not plural.
But her lack of response was interesting. Her lack of response was the message, Frank.
Since, in the end, this is MY house, I feel I have the right to say that I don't want her 'divorce friendly' friends coming to stay. I would prefer she go stay with THEM instead. Well, it is actually both of yours. But, considering everything, I do not think it unreasonable to request that both of you adhere to a "no overnight guests" policy until you unravel things.
But, then again, what do I know?
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Frank, when are you going to start thinking about Frank, yes I read all the posts, the road to hell is paved with good intentions so they say. All I see from my feeble perspective as a complete outsider is Frank posting post after post after post ad infinitum about what his wife is doing or her friend. The last few posts seem to sinking even lower. JMO. YOU constantly say how great you are/have been at taking charge providing whatever--start doing it. I realise you have been depressed but behaving like this is not the way to go. Reclaiming myself?????????? this title is far from the truth. "I'm taking my ball home more like" Sorry Frank but I hate to see you behaving like this. Can you do just one post without it having what? with whome when your wife did such and such.
I know it gets very frustrating for those of us who read all of Frank's posts. One thing I think you should realize that although Frank may be great at helping others sort out their messes, he's not really good at sorting out his own. He posts all this nit-picky stuff as his attempt to process it. Frank's brain doesn't really operate like most of the rest of us.
It's his gift and his curse.
And it's kind of hard to believe because he comes across as so sound and practical with other people's problems. I agree with you that he needs to post more on what he is doing and less on what his W is doing. Be patient. For the first time in a long time, I see him moving in that direction. Don't stop posting to him. He needs all of our support.
Sorry, again, for the hijack. Just telling it like I see it.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
She then said that she might not be able to drop off /pick up the kids from school. Then she proceeded to say how she could 'pay' one of the other moms to take our kid to school.
Now, I work at home and have a very flexible schedule. I always get them whenever she has to work during those times. Why would it suddenly be 'not ok' to ask me to help?
Well, a couple of possible explanations come to mind. One is that she doesn't want to have your workday interrupted, since your time is valuable in earning the family's main wage.
Another possibility - and please don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking - could she be worried about the possibility of you "self-medicating" and then driving the car with the kids? Most moms I know are like momma bears about who and where their kids ride in a car; could she be worried about you?
As for telling the OM's wife - I vote for it. It may not be the best thing for your R; in fact, it usually backfires because the WAS is so mad you attempted to mess up their new R. However, I feel this poor woman deserves the opportunity to save her marriage from your homewrecking wife. If you're braqve enough to risk your wife's wrath, I would do the following: - contact OM's wife - in some setting where she won't firts call her H and ask him why you'd be contacting her (don't give him a chance to put his lies together). - tell her your wife has a history of affairs, and you're concerned that her contacts with OM are inappropriate and a danger to her marriage. - Give her a copy of the phone records, along with a copy of Divorce Remedy - Ask her to keep secret that you told her, for the sake of your own marriage.
Yes, it could stir up a hornet's nest - BUT - if you were her, wouldn't you want to know?
AS for telling your W you weren't going to the casino night: I would have handled that a little differently. "I'm not going" IS kind of passive-aggressive - "I'm not going and I'm springing it on you as a surprise and YOU figure it out!!!"
I would have recommended a different answer: "You know, I've decided not to go to that. I'm really not comfortable any more pretending to be a couple in public when we are separating and planning a divorce."
Oh - and as for the text messages - are you in a state where infidelity matters in the divorce court? If so, start collecting what evidence you need.
Another possibility - and please don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking - could she be worried about the possibility of you "self-medicating" and then driving the car with the kids? Most moms I know are like momma bears about who and where their kids ride in a car; could she be worried about you?
I have never 'self medicated' and driven the kids. Ever. I also have never 'self medicated' before evening. I always did my best to fight off the anxiety and pain until it was overwhelming. Why do you continue to focus on this?
Quote:
As for telling the OM's wife - I vote for it. It may not be the best thing for your R; in fact, it usually backfires because the WAS is so mad you attempted to mess up their new R. ... Yes, it could stir up a hornet's nest - BUT - if you were her, wouldn't you want to know?
I can agree with you. But, I have no 'proof' what they are talking about / doing and W has been erasing all the messages so I could make an accusation that is incorrect. Second, I agree with AmyC, I have too much on my shoulders right now to DEAL with another problem.
Quote:
AS for telling your W you weren't going to the casino night: I would have handled that a little differently. "I'm not going" IS kind of passive-aggressive - "I'm not going and I'm springing it on you as a surprise and YOU figure it out!!!"
It wasn't a 'surprise'. If you read my previous posts I had told her the other night that I was probably not going to go.
Quote:
I would have recommended a different answer: "You know, I've decided not to go to that. I'm really not comfortable any more pretending to be a couple in public when we are separating and planning a divorce."
Since I've said this before, I think she know this.
Quote:
Oh - and as for the text messages - are you in a state where infidelity matters in the divorce court? If so, start collecting what evidence you need.
I have to admit I have been 'skimming' a bit on your thread to try and catch up so if I say anything incorrect or have gotten hold of the wrong end of things I apologise up front.
It strikes me though that you are assuming that your W is having some sort of R with OM based on her previous form. This may be right BUT it could also be wrong. Whatever, you are acting as though it IS what is happening it appears to me.
You talk about her friends being very pro your W and fairly anti you but I wonder how you come across in public with her friends etc as you do sound so darn angry a lot of the time and maybe even when you think you are not reacting in an agressive or bad tempered way you don't hide it very well? I know that I give the game away by my face so easily, even when I am trying to hide how I feel and put on a front.
There are lots of things you could be doing like contacting OM's W, checking up on your W's phone,etc but ultimately they HURT you Frank more than they do your W.
Can we hear more about how you are helping your business and things Frank is doing that will make Frank feel better about himself? That would be really nice to read and might remind you at the same time of what you have going FOR you, rather than just what seems to be working against you. And I mean things you are doing now, not past successes. You need to be doing positive things NOW.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
You talk about her friends being very pro your W and fairly anti you but I wonder how you come across in public with her friends etc as you do sound so darn angry a lot of the time and maybe even when you think you are not reacting in an agressive or bad tempered way you don't hide it very well? I know that I give the game away by my face so easily, even when I am trying to hide how I feel and put on a front.
I come across well, generally quiet. I don't yell and I'm only expressing anger ON THE BOARD.
Most people like me. Her friends do too. But, they support HER no matter what.
