So wow, I guess now I know what it means to have a thread locked. Couldn't think of a clever title for my new thread, either. Thanks to all who have been helping me. I think I am in new territory for us and I am not very familiar with it.
So my H says he wants to work on things. And holy crap, he is, in some big ways. 1)He is sleeping in our bed again (no touchy-feely though) 2)He has made the statement that he wants to fix things 3)We went out to dinner on Wednesday, like a date... 4)He came home from bowling at 10:00 p.m. on Tues. for the first time in months (the week before he was gone all night) 5)Last night he texted me he was going for a beer. I said have fun. He was home at 7:00 p.m.! He has not been home before midnight on a Friday out w/the guys since I don't know when... the week before he got home at 3:45 a.m. 6)He took a job back home (3 hrs away) near our parents and says he wants "us" to live up there together (as a family).
So I should be doing the snoopy dance, right? Instead I need some help being patient. This is what I am bothered by: 1)He still doesn't wear his wedding ring 2)He won't say ILY, on occasion if I say it he will say Me Too or ILYT, but he won't say it first 3)He doesn't initiate any hugs or kisses. We fooled around in bed last Sun. morning but no kisses on the mouth or loving words, also no sex
Part of what bothers me is that even through the affair and while he was confused about whether he wanted to be with me, we still messed around, kissed, and had sex. But for the past 6 weeks, no kissing, no ILY, no sex. It's like he is more physically distant now that he wants to work it out? Anyone had this happen or can help me understand why this is? He has said at one point that we have a good physical relationship and he doesn't want to use that (sex) to avoid dealing with our R issues. But we aren't having sex and he isn't discussing our R issues, either.
I asked him the other night (a little backslide) if he had the desire to kiss me, hold me, etc. He said yes, he did. I asked why he didn't do it, then. He said he didn't know. I said, at some point do you plan on kissing me and holding me again? He said yes.
So I guess I should let it go for now... I asked my questions, and got answers--although "I don't know" is a hard answer to accept. We have an MC appt. on Thurs, should I bring any of this up with her? I just don't want us to reconcile "in name only". There are a lot of issues I need to discuss at some point regarding the A, my expectations of what our M should be like, etc. I don't want to do it now, we are just barely starting to try, but I also don't want us to be that couple that gets together, follows the same crappy routine we were in before, and then ends it for good.
Anyway, my plan is to "Stay the Course" for now. I plan to be happy, upbeat, and cheerful, because really I have a lot of reasons to feel that way. H said he didn't mind if I held/touched him, but I am thinking maybe I should hold back and let him come to me? Or if he doesn't mind if I do it, is it wrong to hug him when he comes home from work? Or spoon him in bed? I don't want to mess this up but I also don't want him to think I will be okay with us living without physical affection forever either.
for now. I plan to be happy, upbeat, and cheerful, because really I have a lot of reasons to feel that way. H said he didn't mind if I held/touched him, but I am thinking maybe I should hold back and let him come to me? Or if he doesn't mind if I do it, is it wrong to hug him when he comes home from work? Or spoon him in bed? I don't want to mess this up but I also don't want him to think I will be okay with us living without physical affection forever either.
