I must remember at some point he told me it wasn't a choice between her and me ..... .... it was a choice between staying with me or not. So... he has a lot of thinking to do, I will try to stop influencing him in any way.
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Cat, one of the reasons I like keeping up with your thread is that there are things I seem to be doing almost in tandem with you. F'rinstance, in your last thread you tipped me off and made me do more internal work on the last remaining big issue that I had with H, the way he was able to justify his EMA by dissing me behind my back with OW (he still sees her as virtuous BTW) And I actually got that aired and settled and let it go -- an amazing breakthrough for me, I let the damned thing go!! So, I get a lot personally out of giving you my interpretation of things and giving you advice -- I often end up taking it myself.
Now this thing here you have brought up: "it was a choice between staying with me or not" -- is very significant in my own relationship. With me, OW/EMA gone by the time I tuned in. But the relationship/marriage problem remained. H thinks he does not want M. Although he does -- now -- and for now -- want an exclusive relationship with me. That's where we're at -- actually, this is an improvement over when this started, I've gained a lot of ground. And that gained ground has happened during the separation and I believe is a consequence of the separation, I don't think it would have happened otherwise.
So hang in there, there's likely to be plenty of interesting new, positive developements over the next few weeks for you and also for H. I agree with Peaceful Spirit, H really does need to be on his own and figure some stuff out on his own, and it is to your advantage to leave him be and figure your own stuff out. But it doesn't hurt to hand him a loaf of freshly baked bread on his way out after a day of child-minding.
Originally Posted By: cat03
But today I understood that he really didnt' have to say stuff that would put him in a bad light, in a way, he came clean on a lot of stuff. I txted him later recognized that it was perhaps a baby step in our favor.
Cat, I think this is a really, really positive thing for you to have realized and to have done. It took me quite a long time to fully appreciate what my H did, voluntarily disclosing, answering my questions on EMA, then bearing my anger which was stimulated by this disclosure. And it took me an even longer time to let him know that I appreciated him for what he had done. You are definately on the right track here.
