The dynamics are changing and things are better. But like I've said before uncovering my true sexuality is like unpeeling a giant onion one layer at a time. Some layers trip me up for a bit.
I know that cac isn't thinking of me as LD now. He has told me specifically that he's happy with the way our SL has been going. He also commented that the HD/LD lines are blurring in our R. I certainly was not LD this morning.
I also had an interesting observation this morning. I'm finding that I treasure our physical times together, whether it be just touching or sex because it makes me feel loved too. I still love my QT certainly, but because I know that PT is his LL, I really feel the love now when we are physical. Does that make sense? This is a new thing.
We had some words last night about the other posts and my feelings and his feelings and we didn't go to bed "mad," but I think he was uncertain because in the past I *would* have been mad and would not have wanted physical contact with him. But last night and this morning I craved his touch. It's an amazing transformation.
Cobra once alluded to the fact that my LL was QT because of my FOO. I've been thinking that we were all born craving human touch and therefore maybe we're all wired to feel loved through touch. Unfortunately some of us get some bad programming along the way and we sort of adopt other LLs based on our experiences. Certainly touch was not a big thing in my family. My father used to hug me, but not in the cuddly way that Mojo describes. It was more of a roughhousing squeeze that often used to hurt a bit. I don't remember my mother saying she loved me and she still doesn't. I would feel uncomfortable telling either of my parents "I love you." OTOH, I tell my son that I love him every day and it feels completely natural.
