I have been doing okay. PMA is high. Ex moved out of the house and into her new dream house. I went to my house (need to keep saying that instead of "our" house) and it looked like a bomb hit it, as most houses do after a move. It was sad to walk through the empty rooms full of good memories. Sort of a 'tear in my eye' time.
She did leave several pieces of furniture. I was suprised. I called her and asked why. At first she came on like she was doing me a favor but then she admitted her dream house was too small for those pieces.
My house was in poor shape overall, not just from the move. She did nothing to it in two years plus it is just over 20 years old so it needs a new kitchen and the baths need repair. Needs paint throughout, new carpet and the wood floors need refinishing. There are some minor roof leaks and the outside trim is rotten in places.
I have a lot of work ahead. I need to do it myself mostly b/c I could not afford to pay for it to get done. I love that kind of work but who has the time given a full time job and the kids every other weekend?
And that great sex life
I will work it out.
Speaking of the kids, Ex emails me yesterday and said this weekend is sign up for baseball. "With your concurrence, I would like to sign them both up"
That did press a button: gave me little warning and of course she was not asking me really. She had apparently already discussed this with the kids, a no-no in co-parenting since parents should discuss first BEFORE talking to the kids. That way, one does not come across as being the bad guy if there is a no-vote.
S10 played ball the past few years but is not really in to it. It is a social event rather than a passion for the game. I doubt he even knows the score after the game. There for a good time. He did not want to play last year but his mom talked him into it and I went along. D6 never showed any interest but this year Ex says she wants to play too.
So I discuss with Ex and voice my concerns. Baseball is not quality one-on-one time for me and the kids. I don't see them that much and an intensive sport schedule erodes what time I get: the one or two 2-hour practices per week plus the one to two 2-hour games per week (at least one each weekend). For each child. I also told her that I needed time to fix my house, move, etc and that it would be hard to juggle the schedule this year. And the kids want to help me fix the house.
Such a schedule is not so bad if you are M but for a single parent it is difficult. I know some single parents who spend all day at the ball field every weekend.
Of course she jumps in and says she will help with the schedule. In other words, she would be glad to spend more time with the kids - my time.
I began to feel guilty b/c I would be knocking the kids out of sports this spring plus she already discussed this with them. Ex is a real "soccer mom". The kids are her whole life. That was a big problem with our M. So if I said no it would strain our recent friendly interactions as well. I told her I would get back to her.
Soon later, she pressed for an answer so I told her I thought it best we pass on baseball this year.
Her email response: "Best for whom? I beg you to put the children first."
WTF ?????????????
I almost wrote her back saying if she "put the children first" she would not have kicked their father to the curb without trying even one step to reconcile. I felt like telling her if she had put "us" first, even a few times, we would still be together. And since when is spending quality one-on-one time not putting the children first?
But I did not. I laughed it off.
But my kids got hurt. Maybe I was wrong and should have agreed. I don't know. But I do know I cannot live my life through my kids and I must make a home for them and a new life for me. I also know that I just cannot agree with her each and every time. As selfish as it sounds I also need to consider me here. I cannot be a good father if I am not healthy and if all I do is "give" and neglect me, I cannot be healthy.
Am I wrong? Was this setting a healthy boundary or did I just react to Ex pressing my buttons and hurt my kids in the process?
