OK, since you specifically mentioned me, (and he obviously was referring to himself) I'm going with full disclosure.
When we watched it, we were often in bed together naked and touching each other and alternately kissing and looking. That's a little different than sitting in separate chairs in the living room I think. cac says it's really no different because the crux of the matter is that I needed it.
I admit I used it because I/we had issues and it helped me. I no longer use it or need it now that I'm a MDW (Moderate Drive Wife).
I'm not a non-cuddler, but I can cuddle or not after sex. I've been thinking about the cuddling thing and I have no memories of being cuddled by either parent or my only grandmother. I just don't remember being hugged as a child and when my mother hugs me now it feels odd and I find myself just waiting until she lets go. I love to hug cac, although I prefer it when he's showered because of the smoking, and I love to hug S4 which I do every single day numerous times a day.
I'm sure it sounds bad, but at the time I believed that the important thing was that we had sex and I did what I had to do. For 5 years I was on the pill and ADs and I had zero drive and couldn't O at all. Now I understand the desire and LL part of it. My intentions were good but the method wasn't so good.
mrs. cac, I also was never hugged or cuddled as a child. In fact, I have a clear memory of being 4 or 5 (I know because of where we lived) and I had been in the habit of spontaneously running up to my mother and saying "I love you" and wanting a hug. On this one occasion I realized that she never responded with a hug and also never said ILY back. So I stopped both those behaviors. At that age. The first time my mother said ILY to me was on the phone; I was about 40. I was a stubborn little girl... but even then, I could only hit my head against a brick wall for so long. (My father and I had two or three rewarding emotional encounters during my life.) /hijack
Originally Posted By: mrs cac to mojo
OK, since you specifically mentioned me, (and he obviously was referring to himself) I'm going with full disclosure.
Just a suggestion (you probably know this, but I just wanted to reinforce): don't let yourself be pressured into responding if you don't want to. You don't owe anyone here any explanation or clarification of anything. It's fine that you disclosed... I'm just saying don't ever do it because you've been baited or provoked. Just if you want to, kwim?
When we watched it, we were often in bed together naked and touching each other and alternately kissing and looking. That's a little different than sitting in separate chairs in the living room I think. cac says it's really no different because the crux of the matter is that I needed it.
I think cuddling and watching porn would be fine sometimes and I think non-cuddly sex is fine sometimes. It was just the combination that was cr*p in my book. My mother wasn't cuddly but my father was. Just about every evening of my early childhood I would either cuddle in a chair with him or in a beanbag with one of my sisters. My earliest memory is of me running up and down a hallway between the bedrooms of my Grandmother and my Great-Grandmother because they both wanted to cuddle with me. I was my Grandmother's pet and she would rock me to sleep when I was really too old for it. I breastfed and cuddled both my kids. My son isn't very cuddly as an adult but he always says "Hug,Mom" when he sees me and gives me one. My D16 is still very cuddly and we will still snuggle and watch TV together on occasion.
FSG wasn't even allowed to have stuffed animals when he was a kid. We were talking about horror movies and I asked him if he was ever afraid that his teddy bear would come to life and he started laughing and said "No teddy bears in the hood." It's sooooo cute when these big tough city boys cuddle with me that I can't even stand it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
This is an interesting discussion. I didn't have a cuddly household at all growing up. I come from a long line of Austrian peasant stock. Not the cuddliest people in the world. And certainly not emotionally expressive either. But we are survivors, so....we can roll with the punches in times of stress I guess. I don't remember my parents ever saying I love you when I was young. It just wasn't done. And hugs were for special occasions, like birthdays, graduations, etc. They were few and far between. But I always felt loved by them. Even though it didn't come out often in words or physical actions. They were definitely more "acts of service" parents. huh....strange how I turned out quite differently when it comes to my own LL in my M....Although I did M an acts of service guy. Big shocker.
I had a girlfriend years ago who was English and grew up in a very non-physical household. She married a Mexican-American man and she turned out to be very physical indeed. She used to say "I love to be touched." She and her H ML every night or every other night of their 30+ year marriage.
It's interesting to me how sex and the sensual are rather divorced in our culture. Consider what would happen if a woman walked into a bar and asked men to brush her hair.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
It's interesting to me how sex and the sensual are rather divorced in our culture. Consider what would happen if a woman walked into a bar and asked men to brush her hair.
Men in white coats would be called in to transport her off.
They're coming to take me away, HA HA They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA To the funny farm Where life is beautiful all the time And I'll be happy to see Those nice, young men In their clean, white coats And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!
To the happy home With trees and flowers and chirping birds And basket weavers who sit and smile And twiddle their thumbs and toes And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!
