Sorry to report I had a Huge Backslide. I am such an a**.
Well I picked her up from the airport and got the big hug and two kisses. I made the mistake of telling her I missed her. Her reply was “ok”, kind of like so what. We had a nice ride home and talk when we got home. No R, no OM. I kept a PMA and told her what a great time we had when she was gone (GAL).
When we got home the [censored] hit the fan. I was to go pick up my youngest at friends at 10PM. My phone had died for I had to wait so long at the airport because of weather. I asked her if I could use her phone so I could call when I got to the friends house and she said no. I asked why not and she said “it’s my phone and you can not use it”. I asked if there was something I was not to see on there and she said phones are personal. To make a long story short it came to be that she didn’t want me to see her pictures of the OM/ER guy. This lead to a long conversation about OM & R and what she wanted. She said that she missed him and has not talked to/contacted/seen him since I asked them not to have contact back on 12/28. (She didn’t miss me on her trip but missed him I guess.)
She kept on saying the last twenty years have been so horrible, she only remembers the bad stuff. We had such a great life together and I want that back. The things that are coming out of her mouth are unreal!
She went on to say later in bed that she could not take it anymore and I told her how much it hurt me. She kept saying that she just doesn’t have the feelings anymore and didn’t know if they would come back. I asked her for more time to work with me and the therapist. She seems like she is in a real hurry. She kept saying we can’t live like this. She said some really mean things like “I am going away again in two weeks and I am not telling you where I am going nor with whom”. She later apologized and thanked me for taking care of the kids and keeping the house so clean.
I offered to pay for an apartment for her for a year and she could have free reign to come back to this house when ever she wanted, she said her attorney would never allow it. I asked her to ask the attorney. I said that after the year she could come back or we could move along.
This morning she woke-up with a cramp in her leg and I rubbed it out. She had no cloths on and I wanted her so bad. I don’t know how long I can take this. I want her so bad but she has an empty tank for me.
I am now hurting as bad as ever, I can’t live like this. I tried so hard not to backslide but the fog ridden things that came out of her mouth were so destroying and hurt so bad. I worked so hard while she was away and I got nothing in return, not that I expected much.
Please help, any thoughts on what to do from here?
I missed and love her so much. I need someone to share my life with.
