18 months, but who's counting?

[still hoping]

LG: Thanks for your reply to my question. I have had the same thoughts about wanting the ogre to show her true colors, but 18 months later, my H is still smitten with her. Even after she threw a glass at him. I know I should assume nothing, but H seems to be really blinded by his supposed love for her. It's literally nauseating.

I also wanted to stretch the process out as long as possible, but I still have 6 months to go on my timeline and I've grown extremely weary of standing recently. The 6 months has become a formality for me at this point. Maybe 90% formality, 10% hope that the A will end/H will come home - y'know the whole MLC 'happy' ending.

I just heard from family member yesterday that H really thinks that ogre is the one for him. H has also said that even if he wasn't with ogre, he wouldn't come back to me. I don't really buy but I also won't be anyone's second choice/wife by default.

I've never seen the show you mentioned, but I do think it's possible to find love at any age. I suppose a lot of it has to do with my kids being so young. I'm not looking at this just as a R for myself. I want the full package. A full-time dad for my kids. A family.

The more I read these DB boards, the more I think one key element to saving a marriage is PATIENCE. We can see from hundreds of stories how often the spouse in MLC returns one day, but too often the LBS has moved on.

I used to believe this. Now, I'm not so sure. Yes, it happens to some. But the reality is that some MLCers go on to marry the OP and stay married to them. Or they are not strong enough to ever face their demons, which is what I think my H's problem is. If so, he'll continue with this lifestyle indefinitely. There are no guarantees.

I don't think I've come across any of your posts before. Which forum are you in? I'll do a search and try to find you...

peace: There's a lot of white noise in my head right now and my thoughts are all jumbled up. I need to get rid of the static and get my priorities in order and then I think things will fall in to place more naturally. In a way, I'm as guilty as H is for avoiding dealing with the issues at hand.

I've had terrible insomnia since seeing H last week. I'm still feeling very detached and any longing I had for him is a distant memory. Maybe the realization that this is really happening - that divorce is imminent - has sunk in. It's really a strange feeling. Not so much sadness anymore. More like disappointment that things didn't go as I had hoped; that H wasn't able to redeem himself (I think I talked about this on your thread); that I was wrong about his R with her. Of course, anything is still possible and his MLC is far from over. But I feel like I need to use my common sense now and look at things for what they are AT THIS MOMENT, rather than continuing to rely on what I 'think' is going on with H.

I bet you already know what you need to do

Yeah, I do. Unfortunately, what I feel I really need to do is file in 6 months. That gives me plenty of time to think about it still, but unless there are some major changes between now and then, I'm ready.

I had a strange feeling come over me earlier. It was that everything that has happened is so far behind me. That none of it mattered - it was all in the past. I instantly thought that maybe this is how MLCers feel when they come out of the tunnel. All the pain and drama seemed so distant. I felt like I was starting with a clean slate. For a second, I also hoped that H could feel it too - that there was no more excitement in his A and that it wasn't too late to start anew.

I seriously need to consider keeping my own personal journal! I swear I must sound like a mental patient. But I enjoy getting the feedback and support from you, so I'll keep posting...