Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[JennyF]

Things are a little bit crazy right now!
I'm going to try to keep this brief, but here it goes.

My D's 3rd b-day is next week. H and I said we would spend that night (thurs) with just him, me and the 2 kids. That if there were going to be celebrations with family members, we would do them separately. Fine.
H is in Vegas right now for work, before he left I told him I was having a little party for her this weekend. She really wants one. I told him a few different people were invited. My parent's and friends. All mutual friends so this was a little weird. I kind of got "dibs" on them because this is my weekend.
And he said, "good, then I'll do something with his mom and sisters next weekend".
Still following me?
So today, my SIL calls. I love her...we get along well and she has been really supportive of me through all of this. She asks me what is going on for D's b-day. I got really uncomfortable. I'm not supposed to invite them right? Now I KNOW that I could ask them here if I wanted to. But I don't know if I want to! In fact I could easily have SIL here, but I can't invite her without inviting MIL. And I'm having some MIL issues here too.
MIL is a wonderful person, but she basically fell off the face of the earth when it concerns me. In 4 months she has called me maybe once or twice. Even since I had the baby she doesn't call. This is someone I was close to! This is someone who used to smother me and now she can't even acknowledge me. Now she is going through a lot right now, her H did this to her and now her S? It's like it's happening all over again to her. I'm trying not to fault her for her actions. But the fact remains that I am hurt by it. So it would be uncomfortable to have her here tomorrow night and I don't want there to be this giant elephant in the room if she were here. I think it make other people uncomfortable too.
So SIL tells me that I can expect her to stop by tomorrow night after 7. I didn't really invite her, she kind of just told me. Now this is not rude, it's what sisters are supposed to do! But now it's all complicated thanks to H. He has made such an effort to cut me out of ALL of his family related activities. To the point that he wouldn't even give me the Christmas gift that his Grandma and Aunt got for me. So what do I do?
ANYWAY, there's more. So I haven't heard from MIL in weeks. Literally I think I spoke to her New Years Eve because I called her. And tonight out of the blue she calls and asks me over for dinner. I ended up inviting her here instead (I didn't want to drag the kids out in a snow storm!).
My SIL came over too. We had a great night. They got to hang out with the kids. When D went to bed, we had a nice game of Scrabble. It was really great to just hang out with them again. Now the whole time I haven't said a word about the party. But I can tell it's sitting there waiting to be acknowledged. I waited until they were leaving and I brought it up.
I just told them that I felt really bad that I hadn't mentioned it to them and explained why. They understood. And agreed it's awkward. The conversation went on a bit, me ranting about the sitch blah blah blah.
But I never did ask them to come. I feel this is the right decision for the party and for myself. I just want to enjoy myself. BUT, I feel REALLY guilty about it. I do want them here...but I guess not under these circumstances.

So that's it.
I am looking forward to tomorrow. In the morning D and I have some shovelling to do! Then I have to finish her B-day cake. I'm really excited for her party! I have a lot of friends coming too, so hopefully once D is in bed we can relax and enjoy some wine!
J~