Wow, Foo, you've been through a lot. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with your approach. You have to think about your children. They need a strong, stable parent and right now your W certainly is not it. I think it took a lot of guts to do everything you've done. I think calling CPS was the right thing to do. (Will they be following up at all?)
I am not sure whether they will or not. However, the children have said that OM is being nice or avoiding them so no repeats that I know of and I believe my children over WAW and OM.
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Your sitch amazes me. You didn't have a job but they expected you to pay child support? OM had the nerve to call you a deadbeat dad? And the best part of all is the fact that he thinks the insurance money for the van was his because he was paying the insurance! First of all the insurance money was for the van, not for reimbursement of the insurance he was paying. And just who bought the van? I'm sure he didn't. This guy has no integrity. What a putz. I don't blame you for confronting him after everything with the kids, and the van. And good for you for keeping your head about you.
Well I had a job as loan officer on commission only. Everything went to pot after the bomb as I did not feel like selling. I could not sell snow to an eskimo in my state of mind.
I agree about the insurance and yes my WAW and I bought the van cash with money we brought when immigrating from the UK. So technically that money he used is half mine IMO.
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And your wife has no right to keep you from talking to your kids! Perhaps if your job goes well (IBIG congrats on that, btw), you can get them a cell phone. A family plan is pretty cheap these days.
My D13 has a cell phone paid for by OM on a family plan. However, it always seems to be on charge or off as WAW dropped it in a sink of water. I personally believe it is some control issue with WAW to reduce ease of contact to my D13. I can contact her at OM's house but anyone can pick that phone up or if D13 is out, I can not talk to her. I will get her another one when she comes to live with me (if that ever happens).
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As far as your W and her feelings for the children, like so many other WAS, she seems quite alien. Sounds like she is justifying everything to suit her needs. Wouldn't the kids be better together? Have you thought about going for full custody? Part of me also wonders if she is just interested in child support. And, as sad as it sounds, perhaps she doesn't have room in her life for them at the moment. They're imposing on her new life. But I can't believe this life for her is better! Perhaps she's going through a MLC?
I agree with you here. I do not like splitting children. I would have preferred all of them or for her to have all of them (I have 4 children btw). The other two are 5 and 7 years old. Financially I can not do all of them and would not be able to carry on a full day's work unless I could earn great money between 8.30 a.m. and 3.00 p.m.
We did have a conversation a while back and after her comments, I said does our 19 year relationship just come down to money and she said yes. Sad but yes all it is about is child support.
When I stated DB'ing I looked at the typical MLC'er traits and I did not think she fitted the profile but lately I have wondered more whether she is going through this.
I am sad that she was once a good mother and now it seems she has kicked them to the curb as well. They do not deserve it, they have nothing to do with the sitch and should not be seen as obstacles to a happy life.
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I'm sure after everything you've been through, and seen your kids go through, that you are quite detached from her. You're right, life goes on and there's no turning back. Keep your nose to the grindstone. I'm so glad you have a job. I know for certain that soon you'll be in a place of your own. Continue to be strong for your kids. And, yes, they will remember who walked with grace and dignity.
None of us asked for this and if it has never happened to you before, you kind of wing it to a certain extent as you have not had the experience but going through it makes you stronger and IMHO, if you were a decent, honest, loving and caring person in the past, you always will be but with more courage to stand up for yourself.
This guy sounds like he might be a control freak. He successfully got rid of her car so now she can't come and go unless he allows her to. And he is over-disciplining the kids. I question whether what you see as her forgiveness of him might not be that he dominates her so much that she cannot object. That's not the same as love. She may be afraid of him.
I agree with you. He told her that she did not need a car as OM's house is about 5 mins away from his business where she works. However, when she had no car, on Saturdays she was crying that she was at home and could not get out of the house (she does not want to work weekends). She even asked me to come and pick her up to buy me some food from the supermarket as I was short on money.
That was a great gesture on her part but I have too much pride to take help from her after what she has done. I declined and was not about to do something to make her situation any easier (not a doormat).
I know the truth why she has had to borrow her grandmother's car again until OM can buy her another (I wonder if he ever will). WAW is telling D13 that OM is right, she does not really need a car of her own and that she can keep grandmother's car for the time being anyway.
He must be feeding this crap to WAW and she is being brainwashed to accept his point of view. Amazing stuff really.
He is very dominating in my opinion. He has to be right and can never be wrong. Unfortunately, I think my WAW is learning from him when it comes to dealing with me and the children.
He is unbelieveable really. I have never met anyone with such low morals who believes that he is better than anyone else.
I think he is using her and with 3 divorces and 1 marriage annulment under his belt, I think one day, she will be another casualty, oh! unless they are soul mates of course.
I do not know whether she is afraid of him she may be but I think that she is afraid of the alternative, being on her own emotionally and financially.
This OM is a dufus, looks like one, is 10 years older than WAW at 49 and is a social misfit.
Just read your entire thread, and this is just from an outsider looking in, but I think you need to get your kids out of there, and now. This doesn't sound like a safe situation to me, it sounds at LEAST emotionally abusive (if not physically so), and I think you should see an attorney about getting temporary sole custody of them.
The heck with the finances -- OM/W's aren't much better than yours anyway. Your first responsibility here is as a DAD, and i don't get a good feeling at all about this guy.
