Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #11

[lawless]

She tells me that she has "Spoken to people"

I'm wondering if she has some other motive for 2 weeks that she is not saying.


I'm scratching my head a little over this one.

Sorry for the chopped quote Ima,

I swear if I hear that "spoken to people" BS from my STBX one more time I'll puke. She tried to threaten me about a week or so ago, she told me she was going to get the (ministry of children and families) to strip me of custody. She said she knew that the ministry would do this because...................

Drumroll please......................

She had spoken to people.

I really think it's a MLC phrase similar to ILYBNILWY.

Sooooooooooo, I pick up the phone and hand it to her and tell her to place the call that is going to strip me of custody, I tell her that the people she has spoken to are either fictional characters or very stupid people indeed. She knows well my semi legal background and yet she still tries to poke the bull with a stick. I told her to call and prepare to wallow in the mess she created for I will take the gloves off if there is any more of this MLC nonsense.


Anyway I have rolled this around in my head for the last week or so and I think I may have figured out what is going on.

It's about control, they are out of it and away from us but they need to control us so we remain as a safety net. My STBX is always changing the schedule, hell she tried it tonight and I shot it down.

I would think that your DBing is working if she is feeling no control over you

[Grace_O]

"Spoken to people" and they say that it is better for the kids because it gives them more stability.

Interestingly enough, you cna always find "people" to agree with your point of view. An 8 year old who is stuck in this sitch is just trying to guess what will make him feel better. He can't be responsibele for his best intrests. He "wants" to stop hurting.

I like your approach of trying it and seeing how it plays out.

Don't sctatch too hard, your hair will fall out

[missmyfriend]

Imageer, I can't add anything to what has been said but I understand your confusion.

[Imageer]

I'm watching the movie "The Replacements" Gene Hackman uses the expression "Like a duck on the water. Calm on the surface but your feet are going a mile a minute under the water."

I thought that was a pretty good description of the MLC/WAS.

I'm bored out of my mind so I thought I would post something even though I don't have much to say.

Lawless, I think you may be on to something with the control idea. W likes to have things go her way (esspecially since MLC) she is forever changing our schedule. I pretty much always let her get away with it because although BS her reasoning has a logical side to it. For example "Lets switch weeks .... that way you will have S8 for his birthday." or "I have an oportunity to go away over Chirstmas so we should switch weeks so that way you can have the kids for Christmas. Christmas is more important to your family anyway" She likes this one too. "I have plans (doctors appointment / have to work / don't feel well / some other excuse) so can you watch the kids? If you can't, it's no big deal, I'll find someone to watch them" One time I picked them up after some lame excuse and her mother calls so she is telling her mother on the phone how nice I am for watching the kids for her.

The other control thing she likes to do is call me up and give me instructions. for example, she called yesterday and said "It's suppose to be cold out tomorrow so make sure you dress the kids warmly"

Grace, If she is finding people to agree with her or actually getting advice, you have to consider the source. The people she associates with are questionable at best.

[plentyhope]

Hi Imageer,

The other control thing she likes to do is call me up and give me instructions. for example, she called yesterday and said "It's suppose to be cold out tomorrow so make sure you dress the kids warmly"

Is it possible that this part might be coming more from her "motherly instincts". Women tend to be naturally good at "monitoring" and "caring". So even though she may not always be consistent in this aspect, this may show through every so often..

[lawless]

Ima,

I think the constant shuffle that happens is to keep us off balance because they know darn well that at some point we may become involved with someone else, their shuffle makes it pretty hard to plan for things weeks down the road KWIM?

OK, just so you don't get to thinking your W is very crazy I got a little story for you.

I came home from work yesterday to find lots of cars in my driveway and street, I wonder WTH is going on as STBX is visiting the kids. Get this, she is holding a baby shower at my house. I came in saw what was happening and threw the lot of them out. Tonight we had a little chat, I told her that she shall never set foot in my house again, I told her we are not friends and we are getting D. This shook her badly, I guess I kinda saw what I must have looked like when she bombed me. She left in tears.

Things are gonna go downhill soon but thats another choice she will make.

[missmyfriend]

LAw, sorry about that happening for you. What was she thinking? Were the people that were invited aware that she no longer resides there? I cannot imagine going to a party where I knew the couple were in the middle of a D and the person throwing the party no longer lives there. Weird!

[Imageer]

PH, It might be a mothering thing but it might be a control thing. She only really does it in areas that she can get away with it.

Law, You could be right about trying to keep us off balance. I've often wondered what she would do if I started dating. I have a feeling that she wouldn't like it.

I'm sorry to say this but your W is one of the craziest MLCers I've heard of. What goes through a persons mind to think to do something like that? Not to mention getting pregnant or the bathtub incident. Is she still with OM or has he run for the hills now that the baby is born? I don't know if her MLC is coming to an end or not yet but I think her nightmare is fully coming in to focus.

I dropped off the kids this morning and OWs car was not there. It hadn't been there all night becaus there was a foot of snow where she parks. When I dropped off the kids W was all sweet and smiley. She was the other day too when I talked to her on the phone. I had to run though because I was parked in the middle of the road.

S8 is now very much against the 2 wek switching plan so I wonder how that is going to play out.

[missmyfriend]

Sorry Imageer. I want to ask Law another question.

Law, does your W have a place of her own where she could have had the baby shower? I also find it odd that of the people that were there she chose your house to have it. Could she be internally going where she feels is home? She had children with you so this could be the place that seems like the right place for a baby shower?

[lawless]

Ima,

Her worst nightmare is coming down the track at an amazing pace. OM is still around as of this morning, he answered the phone when I called. She hates the fact that I am seeing someone and it seems as though she is trying to come around the house alot more, do things around here to prove her worth to me. She said as much last night during our discussion, she wanted me to validate that she was worthy of being in my house.........I wouldn't do it. She then turned the conversation into a poor STBX pity party, life is very hard for her, I told her that she chose that life and it's hers to live. At one point my son who was eavesdropping began to cry, she pointed to him and said "look at what you are doing to him" I told her that this was another choice she made and it can't be reflected onto me. I was very blunt with her when I told her this is all a result of her adultry and the D that is approaching.

She is seeing what D will be like and it isn't at all what she thought it would be.


MMF,

She does have her own place. Its a basement suite in a ghetto part of town. I see she is trying to reconnect with me a little, for example she called my cell out of the blue to see how my job is going these days. This house is her sanctuary from the mess she's created, I can see that she is thinking she can come back to me and she seems to be trying to do so. She is also trying to interfere with my new R, she "planted" a bra and panties in my laundry possibly hoping that GF would find them. When I found them I threw them into the garbage, called her and told her that if she ever did that again I would bring them to OM and let him figure out how I got them.

I am finally forcing the issue at this point, no more mister nice guy. DB is over for me and I am simply doing what needs to be done at this point. I was told by a close friend who is D (same thing happened to him) that if any interaction with STBX feels wrong I shouldn't do it. I have been following that advice and I have been feeling better about things as a result.