mrs cac, I'm sorry you are feeling so distressed. I know that I would have a hard time posting here if my bf also posted. I do understand it seems like this "label" is stuck on you.
Part of what you're doing is telling yourself that cac's happiness and satisfaction level is directly related to what you do or don't do in the sex department. That whether he grades you as an A or a C or God forbid a D has something to do with his happiness and your worth as a person. Your self-confidence in the sexual arena is not something that he can fix-- as you've pointed out, even when he tells you everything is fine, you can't quite believe him.
I think living with your feelings of uncertainty and from moment to moment being honest about how you are feeling, no matter how uncomfortable you feel, might be a good course for you. As in that article about the darkness. Maybe journaling--not here-- about the dark feelings and judgments would help. Marion Woodman, a wonderful writer and psychotherapst-- you would ADORE her books-- talks about "holding the tension of the opposites," by which she means that when we feel pain and discomfort, our tendency is to run, change the subject, blame someone else, do something to distract ourselves... but the healing of that discomfort comes from being with the feelings and not running from them. Hard to do, especially if there's a pint of Pralines and Cream in the freezer or a big sale at Stein Mart or a great movie on TV. This is basically what that article said, too.
You can leave the board or stay (I hope you will stay) but you cannot jettison the past until it floats away on its own. If it's still rearing its head, then there's unfinished business there. Doesn't necessarily mean you and cac have to have a zillion heavy discussions, but you can be with some of these feelings on your own. Like the article says, observe where in your body you feel the discomfort. Write it down. Permit the feelings. Thank them for letting you know where healing has to happen.
A wonderful book that has helped me a lot is "Poemcrazy," that gives exercises for writing poetry to access and heal feelings.
Anyway, I think we've pretty much decided on this BB that anyone can be HD or LD depending on the circumstances. The terms are really a shorthand that kind of shortchange people.
