Wow, Foo, you've been through a lot. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with your approach. You have to think about your children. They need a strong, stable parent and right now your W certainly is not it. I think it took a lot of guts to do everything you've done. I think calling CPS was the right thing to do. (Will they be following up at all?)
I am not sure whether they will or not. However, the children have said that OM is being nice or avoiding them so no repeats that I know of and I believe my children over WAW and OM.
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Your sitch amazes me. You didn't have a job but they expected you to pay child support? OM had the nerve to call you a deadbeat dad? And the best part of all is the fact that he thinks the insurance money for the van was his because he was paying the insurance! First of all the insurance money was for the van, not for reimbursement of the insurance he was paying. And just who bought the van? I'm sure he didn't. This guy has no integrity. What a putz. I don't blame you for confronting him after everything with the kids, and the van. And good for you for keeping your head about you.
Well I had a job as loan officer on commission only. Everything went to pot after the bomb as I did not feel like selling. I could not sell snow to an eskimo in my state of mind.
I agree about the insurance and yes my WAW and I bought the van cash with money we brought when immigrating from the UK. So technically that money he used is half mine IMO.
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And your wife has no right to keep you from talking to your kids! Perhaps if your job goes well (IBIG congrats on that, btw), you can get them a cell phone. A family plan is pretty cheap these days.
My D13 has a cell phone paid for by OM on a family plan. However, it always seems to be on charge or off as WAW dropped it in a sink of water. I personally believe it is some control issue with WAW to reduce ease of contact to my D13. I can contact her at OM's house but anyone can pick that phone up or if D13 is out, I can not talk to her. I will get her another one when she comes to live with me (if that ever happens).
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As far as your W and her feelings for the children, like so many other WAS, she seems quite alien. Sounds like she is justifying everything to suit her needs. Wouldn't the kids be better together? Have you thought about going for full custody? Part of me also wonders if she is just interested in child support. And, as sad as it sounds, perhaps she doesn't have room in her life for them at the moment. They're imposing on her new life. But I can't believe this life for her is better! Perhaps she's going through a MLC?
I agree with you here. I do not like splitting children. I would have preferred all of them or for her to have all of them (I have 4 children btw). The other two are 5 and 7 years old. Financially I can not do all of them and would not be able to carry on a full day's work unless I could earn great money between 8.30 a.m. and 3.00 p.m.
We did have a conversation a while back and after her comments, I said does our 19 year relationship just come down to money and she said yes. Sad but yes all it is about is child support.
When I stated DB'ing I looked at the typical MLC'er traits and I did not think she fitted the profile but lately I have wondered more whether she is going through this.
I am sad that she was once a good mother and now it seems she has kicked them to the curb as well. They do not deserve it, they have nothing to do with the sitch and should not be seen as obstacles to a happy life.
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I'm sure after everything you've been through, and seen your kids go through, that you are quite detached from her. You're right, life goes on and there's no turning back. Keep your nose to the grindstone. I'm so glad you have a job. I know for certain that soon you'll be in a place of your own. Continue to be strong for your kids. And, yes, they will remember who walked with grace and dignity.
None of us asked for this and if it has never happened to you before, you kind of wing it to a certain extent as you have not had the experience but going through it makes you stronger and IMHO, if you were a decent, honest, loving and caring person in the past, you always will be but with more courage to stand up for yourself.
