Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I really appreciate your support. My W and family mean a great deal to me and I am working very hard to get them back. I caused my W a great deal of pain and I take full responsibility for that. I also know that she and I have not been the best of communicators. Had I known how she was feeling 8 months ago, we wouldn't be in the sitch now. So we both shoulder the blame for where we find ourselves now.
Unfortunately the love of my life has built a wall around her heart and I cannot knock it down I can only wait until she knocks it down herself. I can tell you that I love this woman so much that I doubt that there is little she would do to me that I could not forgive her for, unfortunately she doesn't feel the same way about me.
I had no idea that someone could be hurt so much as to completely shut down any feelings that they may have for you. I can tell you that I had the most incredible 3 1/2 years of marriage to her before I hurt her by neglecting her. I didn't do it intentionally. I would never hurt her, I just didn't know that the combination of my stresses and depression was doing such damage.
I have since started medication that has leveled me out and discovered that I need to pay more attention to the people I love so that I don't hurt them the way that I have hurt W.
I did all the dumb things when she told me that she didn't love me any more. I cried, pleaded, begged, and considered ending my life. I have since gotten into counseling, on meds, and started to DB my butt off! I see it as the only way I have a chance to get my W back. When she said she wanted to move out I told her she should. I believe that by letting her go she will begin to understand how much I love her.
I may not get her back, but if I don't it won't be for lack of effort. I will exhaust every avenue before I give up. I can also tell you that the most important thing to me is her happiness. If she isn't happy with me, then she shouldn't be with me no matter how much it hurts me.
But in the meantime I am going to be patient, understanding, empathic, detached, and give her the space she wants. We do talk but it isn't the same. She used to adore me and I miss that greatly. I also do my damnedest to keep from saying ILY or any of the other things I think and feel every minute of every day.
I am in this for the long haul. And you can see more of my sitch at "Never saw it coming" in the WAW forum.
Thanks again for being there.
-B
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
