I understand where she is coming from. She does have a point about the age of previous babysitters.
I also understand where you are coming from. She is lucky that you are prepared to drop everything to go look after the kids so she can have some time out to talk/be with a friend. I know the way I have felt in the past when I wanted/needed to go out to do something for me and I was torn between asking h to come by and look after her (and face the possibility that he couldn't come by) and have to deal with the guilt trip of me wanting some time for me versus the simplicity of getting a babysitter and not saying anything to him about it. I did that once, and got myself a new bumhole ripped by h. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. She may well feel trapped. She doesn't know how you think.
I may get disapproval from what I am about to say, but here goes... also, as basically a single mum - I have left d6 in the house on her own while I have gone to an appointment and I frequently go to the gym very early in the morning (before work) and leave d6 at home asleep on her own. d6 knows how to call me on the phone, she knows how to open the door to get herself out of the house if necessary, she can feed herself and get drinks for herself.
Even when h was home, we would leave d6 (when she was younger) at home asleep by herself while he took me to the airport very early in the morning. I was uncomfortable with doing this back then as d wasn't old enough to feed herself then but h convinced me it was better to let her sleep and risk her waking up than it was to wake her and take her to the airport with us and then she would be crabby for the rest of the day. I used to work away on a mine site where I would fly in and out - 8 days on, 6 days off.
I am okay with leaving d at home alone for short periods now that she can operate the phone. I have taught her about 000 and stranger danger.
I think it's okay to leave the kids at home for a few hours, specially if the older ones are good at looking after the younger ones. Of course, if they ar the type of siblings that stir each other up heaps then more than a couple of hours might not be so good but at 11 or 12 years of age, they should be able to recognise at least partially what is required of them. I agree with your wife in this instance in the concept. She probably should have told you beforehand but you would have insisted coming around to look after them wouldn't you? It seems that she wants to trial things to see if the older kids can look after the younger ones.
