Battlefield of the mind

[cat03]

I brought up C up to date without much detail (didn't want it to become a bashing) H didn't say much at all, very reserved, but in retrospect, if he knew what he wanted we wouldn't be in this mess.

C mentioned the pros and cons of S, saying how he saw it going either way (not reconciling) despite the fact that it seem I very much wanted this work. I mentioned to him my one condition about not wanting to be back until he cut all contact w/ow and that also, despite the fact that mostly I've felt the A/ow overshadow everything I also wanted him back when he decided he wanted our family, that I didn't want to put up a show and a dance for H to like me, that I wanted him to decide on his own to want this M.
I brought up the fact that H does not want to tell ow there is no D nor was a S, that it only made her come back again and again. C agreed and told H that perhaps if ow knew he was staying in his M and not D she might not come back. I asked H if as of today she still believed we were D, he said he doesn't talk much w/her and they dont' talk about that anymore. H mentioned how he'd cut the phone soon (also for financial reasons, he/us can't afford another cell bill). H said that this time he did broke it off w/her.

We talked a bit about telling s9, didnt' get the exact info I expected, but got some pointers. As far as the frequency of our communication, C said there was no reason to cut all contact if we didnt' mean this to be a legal S, to go by how we both felt, that if we weren't talking about our R to come more often to C, to adjust to the degree of our communication.
C told him that pretty much the ball was on his court, it was up to him to make this M work, to decide.

Again, H was mostly silent, he did sound po'd when after I made a quick summary of his deception about breaking it up to ow saying "I volunteered that info by the way, I didnt' have to say anything." He's said this before and I told him one time "really? you didn't have to? " surmising that if he wanted this M he'd HAD to. But today I understood that he really didnt' have to say stuff that would put him in a bad light, in a way, he came clean on a lot of stuff. I txted him later recognized that it was perhaps a baby step in our favor.

Well, that's it (I meant to make it short, ops!), so we'll still talk, just not as often and we'll still see each other when I get home during his 2 says off w/kids (well, for a bit, he'll be heading out shortly). Thanks for reading my ranting, will try to keep busy this weekend, God has this problem in His hands, I'll just try to detach and keep on moving forward.