I am sorry you are in this position with the W. She is off her rocker and I agree that you may need to get some legal help at this point. She is calling the shots with your kids and if she won't agree to some equitable way to allow you to spend more time with your children, then I'm not sure if you have any other options outside of consulting your own lawyer.
I am proud of the tone and message you put out in your e-mails. You did a great job of being firm about what you will and won't tolerate with the kids as well as continuing to be a loving friend who is affirming what she has told you.
Hang in there. She knows you don't want divorce and she's now facing reality of what divorce actually means. Although it is amazing she wanted this so badly and now realizes it isn't a picnic, it is a small victory that she is sobering up a bit about whether or not she wants to continue down this road.
Her running hasn't solved the problems she thought it would and she is clearly a bit scared about the future - the same future she has sought to create.
Also, it is interesting that she responded to you and asked you to not pursue anything legally. Why? She must know that you have a good case and could really put a dent in her dream escape if you do get your own lawyer.
I wouldn't put it as an ultimatum, but I would let her know that if she doesn't work to create an equitable way for you to be with your kids, you will have no real choice but to get a laywer of your own.
Hang in there. Keep doing your best to be strong.
RTL PS - Is the Washington the state or DC? Just curious as I'm from the state originally.
