Hanging on to what I believe in!

[ba065]

Ali: You have a good thought...although we've been there/done that. Back in June of 2006 when he walked off a job and didn't work for 2 months until he got this one.....h has been pretty unstable in the job department since 01...this is his 3rd job since then.

Financially it isn't feasible right now...we own our house (mortgaged) and purchased a townhouse (for fix and flip) (mortgaged) in 2006...and it didn't sell...then we rented it out...now the tenant has skipped out so we're making payments on it again....

Update:

H came home from class last night very upset...the more time he's had to think about things the worse his attitude has gotten. He yelled and screamed...he's sick of everything. He says he probably deserves what he gets. He says he knows his position in life is to be a peon for everyone to walk all over....etc...blah, blah, blah,. He was going to call in sick today but decided against it this morning.

There is no reasoning with him when he's like that. He doesn't want to be comforted. He doesn't want to hear that things will work out or that we're doing the best we can.....he doesn't believe things will get better. He said I should put a gun to his head and he can die young so he doesn't have to go on like this.

I'm scared for him. I'm worried about his state of mind. I'm glad he went to work just so I know he won't be dead in the garage when I get home.

I tried talking to him this morning and he jumped all over me...said he'd asked for his space I won't even give him that...which is so far from the truth...what a turn-around in a week....it was one week ago today that he said he wanted to work on us and that he loved me. We had such a wonderful weekend together...had fun, laughed, etc. just like old times. Then Sunday night...bam....and it's gone completely down hill from there. Things just go from bad to worse!

S21 will be home today for the weekend. I'm glad...but also worried about how H will be.

I can't control H. I can't make his decisions for him. I can't convince him of anything. All I can do is love him and try to be supportive and pray alot for the both of us.

I'd rather have him be happy and alive living away from me than have him on the verge of losing it or dying because he is with me.??? Even if he's with MOW when he's not with me, its better than wondering if he'll do something awful if he's alone.

Pray for us guys....we need it!

BA