No, it shouldn't, but it is -- especially "loving" detachment.
It's well past time for your H to fish or cut bait. If he doesn't want to work on the M and is still entertaining thoughts of D, then let him be the one to walk. Don't enable or help him walk in any way, but let him go if he so desires. He needs to grow up and to face reality. Life is not all about him. He has a wife and family he should be considering first, but he doesn't. He needs some quality time with himself, alone, to find out how he probably won't like the person he is right now.
And I think you need the space too, Lwb, very much. I think you've DB'ed you heart out for H, and he's still confused. He still refuses to see the pain he's causing you. You need time to heal from witnessing his destructive behavior.
So if your H does move out, I will tell you it is not going to be the end of the world, not for you. You will have your DD's and your friends to support you. And if the caged bird decides to not return, then so be it. If he does, then it was meant to be.
BE kind, polite, and Validate. Let H miss you if indeed he is going. Maybe then he'll do the work that it is going to take to heal himself. BUT thats my OP.
We have freezing rain and I was just told that I can go home and even get paid for it!!!!!! YIPPPPPY.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Please don't call yourself pathetic lwb. We ALL have these feelings. I think they're normal. It's your M for Godsake! It's not just some quickie relationship that you can get over quickly. You put your heart/soul into it and you have 2 BEAUTIFUL children because of it. I feel like I need space from my H right now but I'll tell you what, it's going to rip me apart the day I look up and see his things gone! Yes, we (all of us) had problems in our M, but we also thought that we'd be together forever with these S's and they walked on us with what seems like no regard or respect for our feelings.
I struggle every day with trying to figure out just what "loving detachment" really means. How do I do that. How do I lovingly detach and not be a doormat. I want my H to know I still care, but get angry waking up seeing him laying on the couch with his phone laying next to him.
I'm SOOO glad that you're getting time home with your d's. How fun. I told you early in the week that I was going to call you soon. I almost did last night and H came home. So, I was thinking about you. I WILL call soon.
You have such incredible support here. Nocode is right. We believe in you.
BIG BIG HUGS to you today.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
there isn't a pathetic bone in your body my friend.. so STOP IT! You are a wonderful person, who happens to still love her husband even though he's doing what he's doing, it doesn't make you pathetic it makes you a warm human being.
You do have support here, and we all love you and know that you will be ok because you are strong and will get through this.
Yes be respectful.. loving..no.. kind and respectful. that's it.
If you do seperate I don't think it will be such a bad thing, but it will hurt no doubt but time will tell.. he may miss you so much and come to his freakin senses!!!!
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
First of all, HI HOPE!!!! Thanks for last night. Hope and I survived downtown St. Louis during Mardi Gras. She is one serious dude magnet. But she handles it with grace. lol We had a great time (at least I did), it was just what I needed. I drove downtown very heavy hearted, and drove home in a great mood.
OW's H met us downtown, Hope got to meet him. He is such a great guy. They (him and a friend) stayed with us about an hour and moved on. Glad he told me that OW was lurking downtown as well, Hope and I avoided the club she was at.
H texted me through the night and he actually beat me home. He was crying about how f'ed up his life is. I just listened. He was late to work yesterday (written up) and called in sick today. He is a serious mess. He slept in our bed last night (fell asleep there talking to me). He made it clear 2 things 1) he hasn't been with anyone else and 2) he wants me physically. I told him once "I will not share you anymore. I can't". He left it at that. I kept the babysitter for the morning. When he wakes up, he can send her home. He needs sleep.
He was crying about how f'ed up his life is. I just listened. He was late to work yesterday (written up) and called in sick today. He is a serious mess.
well - he needs to feel this. He needs to feel the misery of what he is doing. I know it's not pleasant to watch. Just keep your head up. He's got to get himself out of this mess. Seems like he's beginning to see just what a mess it is. He's going to have to wallow here until he figures out he has control over his own life.
Nice job listening.
It must feel good to be able to focus on work today.
have a good one!
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
I really didn't know what to say to him, so my indecision was my reason for silence. I did tell him that "Things will get better". Which they will, for all of us, no matter what road we take.
And yes, space is good. And H has time alone with the girls. That's always a good thing.
Morning lwb. Glad to hear that you had a good time last night. I had a great time too.
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She is one serious dude magnet.
Too funny....never been called that before but the guys sure do seem to latch on to me. Glad we got to go out....as I said last night...welcome to my world.
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I drove downtown very heavy hearted, and drove home in a great mood.
Excellent...sorry we didn't stay out too late, but Mardi Gras took it out of me.
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H texted me through the night and he actually beat me home. He was crying about how f'ed up his life is. I just listened. He was late to work yesterday (written up) and called in sick today. He is a serious mess.
I'm not surprised. His life sucks. My advice is to keep doing what you are doing. Honestly, I think your H is to the same point that mine was right when OW got pregnant. In my heart, I believe that my XH would have come around if OW wouldn't have sealed the deal with the pregnancy. He's coming around....I know it doesn't feel like it but he is. Give him space...live your life (including a few nights on the town with Hope, of course)...I still have feeling that he's going to come to his senses.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Its ok that we didn't stay out later. With the hockey game just ending (about the time we left), it would have gotten even worse. We made a good decision...
I had so much fun. And yes, my GAL will always include Hope....
YIPPPPPY.