You okay, Lissie? Did the shoe buying last weekend - buy one, get one free. A pair of Carlos boots and a pair of BCBG boots - both for $50.
Hang in there, Shades. Boring would be great!!
MrsH, it is okay to laugh. I do too, but kinda in the "I'm going crazy" kind of way. Went ring shopping just now and didn't find anything I like. Don't want to go to a jewelry store and buy the typical. I want something unusual. Indentation still there and I am not happy about that. I expected it to just disappear....kinda like H.
And, no, Liss - can't wear shoes on my finger.....
It was hard for me to take off my rings but I did it because I thought it would get my H to think...Ha! Seems like you did it for the right reasons and it sounds like you were ready. Have your girls noticed?
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Indentation still there and I am not happy about that. I expected it to just disappear....kinda like H.
You are funny. Too bad he can't just disappear until the MLC is over...and then come back a new and improved version of the old H...oh well!
I got a text message 40 minutes ago from D14. Asking me what we were doing tomorrow night. I asked her why she wasn't in bed and she responded "I don't know, cause I'm not". I told her to go to bed. She has a game tomorrow. It is after midnight and she is still up. Sigh.
Just thinking.....D14 was interviewing FIL for a school project last week and was asking him his likes and dislikes. He said that he can't stand cheaters. Neither can I.
I still don't like the weekends when I don't have the kids.
I still don't like the weekends when I don't have the kids.
Can you tell?
I am 5 years into sharing my kid every other weekend now and I still don't like the weekends when I don't have him at home. That being said over time I have gotten more used to it and the shock and emptiness does wear off eventually. I seriously doubt we will ever like our weekends away from our kids.
Hang in there. Are you doing anything fun for yourself this weekend?
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I spoke with a friend the other night for a long time. He told me that H told him that he thought about leaving five years ago. He also told him years ago that he could do whatever he wanted, when he wanted....that he had his life and I had mine and they were separate. He was/is right. We drifted too far apart.
He was, for lack of a better word, very disrespectful toward me. For a long time.
We have a mutual friend (female). She and her BF meet for coffee every morning. H used to meet up with them. They started going some place different because they wanted to be alone and didn't want to hurt H's feelings. He then started bringing coffee to her work - not to her BF with whom he is also friends with - but just to her. We used to hang out with them - when we did, H wouldn't talk to me. If I initiated any kind of talk or touch, he would become annoyed or dismissive. He bought her gifts under the guise of them being thank you gifts for helping him or us with something. I don't know if she noticed any of this. She is no longer friends with him because of what he has done.
When we would go somewhere, he always made sure that there were other couples with us. As I look back on this now, I realize that I knew this at the time, but didn't want to acknowledge it. Talk about burying your head in the sand.
I know that they re-write history, but it is hard - when you hear it so many times - to not believe what they say. Was it ever good? I am having a hard time remembering when things were. Even the good events, I remember him putting me at the bottom of his priority list. When D11 was born, his out-of-town sister came to the hospital to see me. I gave birth at 8:00 a.m., they all visit and then all leave for lunch. H didn't return until after dinner.
It just got to the point that I started focusing on the kids more than him. I ignored him because I was tired of being ignored. I was so far down on his priority list. He paid attention to himself and his friends.
This sounds like an excuse to me as I reread it. And maybe it is. I should have tried harder sooner. We both should have.
It was a thought provoking conversation. And the friend complimented me many times on how I am handling this. He was not so complimentary to H, yet he is still friends with him.
For whatever reason, DBing, in the sense of getting a life and a PMA, has been easy. I haven't really been doing any of the techniques, like 180s, to see what his response would be.
What hasn't been easy is knowing whether or not I want him to return. He wasn't evil, he wasn't abusive, he wasn't mean. But he is lazy, self centered and pretentious, and has been for a long time. And, not that it is my say at this point, but do I want to go back to that?
w8ing Im sorry about your weekends being hard without kids I am lucky My H doesnt take them every other weekend He just visits them every weekend for a few hours a day and leaves them Im glad they are always with me and I get little breaks on weekends..it works out for now as H doesnt have his own apartment to let them sleep..he supposedly rents a room from, a friend and truthfully H propably doesnt want them all weekend..it takes from his playtime
I know my M wasnt really good for a long time either My H always worked always i know we shared some good times too I think that if any spouses return after MLC the M has a chance to start over I reread MLC in DR and she said it today the H needs to make changes too if he decides to recommitt to M so The M will not be the same as before hopefully so much better peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace - can you even imagine only visiting your kids for a couple of hours every weekend?
And my H didn't throw himself in his work. He threw himself in his "play"....his friends, his collection, his fun....
I hate when I am feeling like I am today. The old "it's not fair" feeling. H wants to buy a house - a rather large and expensive house. I will need to move to a smaller house that I can afford. So the three of us will be in a smaller house and he will be by himself in the big house. I supported him until I left my former job (the majority of our marriage). Now that he is doing well and I no longer support him, he has no more need for me.
I know....I have the girls and that is what is important. I just get this feeling at times and have to wait for it to pass. Sometimes I have to work very hard to not get bitter.
And sometimes, I just don't feel strong enough to work hard at this anymore.
H wants to buy a house - a rather large and expensive house. I will need to move to a smaller house that I can afford. So the three of us will be in a smaller house and he will be by himself in the big house.
Maybe when he's alone in that big house, he'll realize how much he's losing.
