Thank you all so much. I have the kids in the bathtub and to come out here and see if anyone responded, it feels like a hug to find that people understand. I was dreading hearing, "well, no wonder he's unhappy, look at a, b & c that you're doing." God, I'm human and it's trying to be in a marriage like this. We both have our ups and downs.
Yes, he seems to be depressed and HE is the one who (2 days in a row) said he's probably going through a midlife crisis. He is on (generic version of) Zoloft 50 mg/day.
Yes, I do try to take time for me. I think WHEN I do that, and being his wife is not my full time job (like attacking him on a regular basis, doing kinky things he's into) that's when he starts to feel dissatisfied. He went out of town on business, came home, I wore a pretty nightgown, took a shower, shaved (like he likes) wore perfume, initiated, etc. Then got involved in scrapbooking late at night and didn't have sex again until night before last. There was almost a week in between those two nights. He was falling asleep at almost exactly 10:00 so it's not like we were up together and I was just not interested. He could barely stay awake long enough to help me put the kids down, then he'd crash watching >30 min of tv.
Tonight I have a Girls Night Out I have planned. We are meeting for drinks at 7 pm. When I emailed him to remind him of it, he said ok, then listed all the things he wants to do. I said, pick a date and schedule them, but he doesn't.
And about Retrouvaille, I have the paperwork for TWO different seminars I looked into for us. I have done everything but stamp my foot and say WE ARE GOING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. He comes up with excuses, like they're religious-based, who'll watch the kids, we can't afford it, etc. I have tried to convince him of the value of putting it on a credit card if it improved our marriage what a wonderful gift that would be for ourselves AND our children. The paperwork just sits there.
I will bring it up again. He seems so defensive about any suggestions that he needs help, but I don't know what to do anymore. Sorry, but this doesn't bring out my "PASSION!"
Thank you so much for your advice - I'll take any and all (even differing viewpoints) on what I should do here. I really appreciate the insight.
