Somewhat of a quiet night last night. H called from work and talked for 10 minutes and then said he'd called to tell me that he was going out with friends after work. I woke up at 1:25 and didn't hear a peep in the house. I was too tired to get up and see if he was home. Woke up at 3:00 to H snuggling up next to me. Shortly after that D3 woke up coughing. I ended up falling asleep in her room since I found myself going back and forth for about 1/2 hour helping her anyway. H was passed out so he didn't notice the difference.
I called H this morning to ask him to make sure D3 got some medicine, as she had a rough night. He got a bit snippy and said, I can tell she's sick and I already gave her some. I got an email from H a few minutes later. It was a crude email that a friend of his had forwarded him. A bunch of pictures of women, girls....etc. in cut off shirts, shorts, thongs showing....all with different captions underneath. (And no, I won't forward it on!) See, he seems to think that since he thought it was funny before and I didn't care, that it's funny now and I won't care. lwb, I thought of that stupid comment your H made about the HOT mom at school and my H's stupid question about if a mom giving a party for D3's & D4's was HOT.
Still tired today. I'm under the weather and with D3 the same and not sleeping well, I'm not sleeping well either. My parents are coming in town tomorrow. My dad has a "well check" at the Mayo Clinic on Monday. Then they are taking D3 home with them for a week or so. I'll miss her like crazy and it hit me that I'm not sure how H & I will handle things at home with just the two of us. She's been our buffer.
Another way of trying to get all my ducks in a row is looking at Child Support information for my state. I started doing that yesterday so I could figure out how much H would pay or I'd need if we split. It looks like H would be required to do a direct deposit into my account. I can ask mcojh too, as he's in MN. Just too much to think about, especially when you didn't ask to be put in the situation.
I keep thinking about how D3 will be if/when this happens. She asks H all the time when he'll be home. Last night on the phone she asked him what time he'd be home and then told him that he couldn't go out because he's supposed to come right home after work. In the midst of her coughing and being sleepy at 3:30 this AM, she asked me if daddy was home. I know that things would eventually get better, but it just hurts my heart to think that I'll need to try to explain it to her.
I took a look back at all my posts. I had posted way back in 6/05 when things were tough after we moved to MN. H had a hard time finding a job, things blew up and he left us for 2 weeks and went to his dad's. In that posting, I saw that I had asked H to get help with his drinking. His response was that having worked in the insurance business, as he had, he was afraid that any type of treatment would come up on a background check and would prevent him from getting a job. So, deep down my H is aware that there's a problem, he just won't admit it or get treatment. I was outright and honest with my SIL the other day. I asked her that if the opportunity ever comes up, that I'd like my H's family to suggest some sort of help or support for him. Maybe that's not right for me to do, but they all agree that inside he's screaming for help. I told her that after all he's done to me, I still don't want to see him hurt and I want to see him find happiness someday, but I don't think he'll find it if he continues down this path or as Piglet2 said, around this cycle. And, ultimately, what affects him, affects D3 and I have to watch out for her.
Oh, a happy thing to look forward to. I am taking D3 to dinner and the bookstore tonight for some mommy/d3 time! She's so excited.
Thanks- SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
h's drinking is really an issue. He is on self destruct mode and will eventually hit bottom. But until he really sees that there is nothing anyone can do. He has to want to help himself, that's the hard part, and it looks like he is enjoying himself way too much for that to happen.
Im sorry you still on this ride.
Im glad your going out with D3 that is great!! Have a good time!!
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Busy day today at work. D3 and I did go out for dinner last night and then went to the bookstore. It was fun. We got her one of my favorite kids books (yes she loves it too). It's called The Caboose That Got Loose. Really cute.
My parents are now in town. D3 and I had lunch with them. It was nice. D3 will be spending the afternoon with them. H has been odd lately. Last night he called home from work. Just as he called, he got another call on his line. He begged me to hold on for him. I did and all he wanted was to tell me that there were some leftovers in the fridge for me if I hadn't eaten. That's it. He came home and then left to workout. I woke up at 12:30 to hear him clicking away on the pc and then he was asleep this morning on the couch with his phone attached to him. He called a couple of times this morning from home. The first time was to ask me why I hadn't taken the muffin he'd bought me for breakfast. I told him I hadn't seen it and thanked him for buying it. He again mentioned that he'd picked it up for me. Every time I feel like he's drifted too far away, he does something decent for me. I just feel like I need to be away from all the ups and downs of this mess.
I had a long talk with my mom yesterday about some things. H had asked me if my parents would like to stay and watch the Super Bowl with us. When I told him that my dad's dr. appt. was early the next morning & they wanted just get to the hotel & rest on Sun. eve., he said, Well, I didn't think they'd want to be here anyway. He said, I assume you've told them what's going on. So, back to my mom. She said, Sue, I honestly don't think H knows what he wants. She said him asking us to be there for the Super Bowl, yet to turn around and think that we wouldn't want to be there because of the current situation really speaks to his confusion. She said, I know it's so hard for the two of you to see any of this because you're right there in the mix, but for me, as somewhat of an outsider, I can tell you that he's always looked like someone who is confused. Someone who doesn't know what they want and never gives a situation enough time to work itself out before jumping to another person, another job, another state.....etc. I also got an email from a friend that I hadn't talked to in a while. I explained some of what was going on. She'd been there for me during his last affair and was the one who dog sat for us so we could go on a weekend trip to try to get reconciliation going. She told me that she didn't think that he'd ever change and that she knows it hurts, but she'd like to see me get out of the unhealthy spot I've been in for so long.
A friend of mine me an email the other day and it was titled Our Friend Gloria..........It was the lyrics to "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor.
Well, back to work. I do actually have some things to get done before 5:00 pm today.
Sue
Last edited by SueS; 02/01/0807:12 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Im so glad to hear that you able to talk to your mom about things, and also that you have some good friends out there that you can "talk" to you, its so important for you and your sanity.
He is a really confused person, mean and nasty one minute and then nice as pie the next, its seems he has a split personality. Its impossible for anyone to live with a person like that and it makes it harder that you are trying to raise your daughter in the meantime with all of this going on.
I would also like to see you get out of this whole mess. Too many ups and downs and it takes its toll.
Have a nice visit with your parents, and know that they love you under any conditions.
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Do you have the blues, Sue? Well, this happens to everyone. Call some friends or go to the cinema. In other words, get out and do things that you know can help you overcome this depression! This is definitely not the moment to retreat. You have some inner work to do even if it appears to lead nowhere. You may have the impression of being abandoned, but you know perfectly well that this isn't true.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Good Sat. Evening.......Sun. morning to you across the pond!
It's been a very busy couple of days. My parents are in town. I got a HUGE suprise at work yesterday when my sister and oldest niece showed up. My 40th birthday is coming up on the 7th and they didn't want to take no for an answer to celebrate it. It was wonderful until my sister called me from the hotel this morning and told me that they had to leave to drive back home (5 hrs) because my youngest niece was in an accident and was in the hospital. Thank God she's going to be okay. She had minor injuries, but had to stay in the hospital again tonight due to a concusion.
I went to pick my mom up this morning to go shopping and my cousin & aunt answered the room door. Another suprise. My cousin's 35th is Monday, so we try to celebrate together when we can. They came in (live by my parents/sister) to shop and celebrate our b-days. The last and most wonderful suprise was when I showed up at dinner tonight and there sat my other female cousins, aunts and a dear friend of mine. There were 10 of us all together. We had so much fun. I truly didn't want to celebrate this year, but apparently my BIL had told my mom, just go ahead and plan it, she'll end up loving it. He was right!
H has been his typical up & down with me. He called me twice yesterday after work to ask what I was doing. Once asking me if I'd eaten. He was going to stop and pick something up for us. I offered to bring home the left over pizza we'd had at the hotel and he gladly accepted that. This morning when he left for work I told him I'd call him about dinner tonight. I hadn't known my mom's suprise plans, so I'd told H that he was welcome to join us. My thought was that H could spend time with D3 before she leaves with my parents. H declined my invitation this evening. I brought D3 home to change. He was a pissy smarta$$ with me. I told him about my cousin & aunt being here too. He asked me....."What, did you bring all of your family here to try an intervention"? WTF????? I told him that I had no idea any of them were coming and that he knows my cousin and I celebrate together when we can.
It appears he's out with his 20-something friends tonight. I'm ready for bed. D3 is leaving tomorrow for some time with my parents. I'm going to miss her like crazy....more than I've ever missed her before.
Oh, D3 told me Happy Birthday mama, I love you....several times tonight. Felt so good!!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Happy birthday Sue. Gee, it never can be about anyone but him, can it? I guess I'd say ignore him and have a good time with your family. I know you will miss your little girl. There is something so wonderful about the mother/daughter bond. I felt it again when I visited my D22 last week. (She's still the size of a 13 year old, so it's easy to forget she's grown up.) You know, I feel it with my daughter, why can't I feel it with my mother?
He was a pissy smarta$$ with me. I told him about my cousin & aunt being here too. He asked me....."What, did you bring all of your family here to try an intervention"? WTF????? I told him that I had no idea any of them were coming and that he knows my cousin and I celebrate together when we can.
Sue, I am not a violent person. I don't think I've ever slapped a man in my whole life, but man, I would love to slap your rude a$$ H!
I'm so glad that your family made your birthday so nice for you. Good to hear that your neice is doing okay after her accident.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
