OK. I'm not happy with my IC. I've only seen him twice, and really he hasn't offered much. He suggested a book to me. Gottmans 7 Principles book, but told me several times yesterday, "it doesn't look good". WELL, I KNOW it doesn't look good...that's why I'm here.
Maybe I'm looking for something that isn't out there. I want a solution-based therapist. So, my insurance doesn't give me a great list of people. I found a counselor that I think would be good. He mentioned working with law enforcement in his profile, and I think that could be helpful since a lot of h's problems may stem from his job
...but he's not in my insurance network. His fees are $80-89/session. Would you pay that? Is that a lot? I suppose I would see him every other week? I'm thinking of going out of network.
I'm tired of not finding a good therapist!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I used to pay a $25 co pay for my therapist, but in sept my h changed jobs and our insurance changed to one she doesn't take. she did cut me a rate, $85 per session. my h's IC on the other hand gave a rate of $125 per session (50 minute session).
I happily pay it because my therapist ROCKS and I had an established relationship with her when our insurance changed.
for you, I would say your IC should be working on you, not on your H, so whether or not this person deals with law enforcement issues is irrelavent, unless this was an IC for him, or unless you are in l.e. yourself (not sure I am understanding that right). or are you looking for a MC?
another thing I'll say is that it will take more than a couple of sessions for it to seem like your IC is actually doing anything. but if you feel like the current one is not a good fit, by all means look for one who is. I knew right off the bat my IC was, but I do know some people who have had to look around a bit first.
good luck!!!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Well, I'm thinking if he specializes in law-enforcement he may understand the type of husband that I deal with. He may offer ways to deal with the anger, and control that I deal with? Maybe you're right. I just don't know what to look for. Other than a solution-based therapist.
I know I shouldn't expect miracles in the first couple sessions, but he doesn't seem to be a good fit. He even said I don't need to come back unless I want to, which makes me think he has nothing to offer me.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
from what you say, your IC raises some red flags to me, and you aren't comfortable, so I'd definitely look elsewhere.
but keep in mind IC should be about you...so find one that you feel comfortable with. they should understand all issues. control issues are universal, after all. and really the IC will be more likely to deal with you and how you can grow/change so those control issues don't affect you.
good luck! maybe interview a few on the phone?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
no, things dont' get solved in the first sessions, but if you dont' have a good feeling overall I say get another one. The old MC we had was awesome, from day 1 we'd leave his office with so much good advice and with a light heart. 80 sounds about right for not taking insurance, perhaps give it one more try w/another C who takes insurance, if he/she doesn't work, then fork out the 80.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I loved my TH but she was actually one of my high school buddy's mom. It just felt like I was talking to a neighbor most of the time yet costlty, $100! I have tried to get Kaiser psychiatric care this week so hopefully I will get 6 sessions. My D6 has been seeing a TH but they will only see her once a month. Good luck. We could all use some therapy, yeah?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
The first time I saw a C was in 2000 when I was first diagnosed with social anxiety. I paid $75/session and she didn't help me at all. Just wanted to find the root of the problem and I was in need of strategies of what to do when I was having panic attacks. I ended up dropping her after about 6 sessions.
H and I went to MC last year and she only charged $25. I thought she was good and went to her a few weeks ago, but she didn't seem as good anymore. I am thinking of finding someone new.
H went to an intern last year when he was having problems (still is having problems obviously he shouldn't have stopped going). He really liked this person and because she was a student, only charged $5!!! I think she helped him out a lot. But then she might have graduated out of the program and that is why he stopped going...
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Sometimes insurance is tier based. For example, before I was S from my STBXW, I went to a T and she charged me $25/session copay. She didn't do it for me though. Didn't really make me feel like I'm working towards any type of goals. The weirdest thing was her making me pretend my feelings as entities and pretend to talk to them. I think that was the last straw. Anyhow, I got rid of her. When the W asked for a D I went to a different T and she is awesome IMO. And because supposedly I'm dealing with a D, my copay is no only $10 because it's serious stuff I'm guessing. I've seen therapist charge from $80 to $120. I would recommend finding someone that has a lot of experience and maybe with a PhD. There are a lot of them only with a master degree or only are social workers and aren't very good.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
The best route is to see a board certified psychiatrist. He can determine your specific needs and can also prescribed meds if necessary. Unfortunately, these guys are real expensive. My psych is $300/hour and does not accept insurance. You submit on your own.
If you are going through a VERY bad time, it is worth every penny. Please understand that therapy takes time.
