New -Devestated and Feeling Hopeless

[fooled again]

Ellis,

Here is a link to a really good publication our gov't has put out: Parenting After Separation . It's Cdn law, but most of it is about day to day issues regarding parenting.

I should have told you that this is a link to the website and you can download the publication (no $$ req'd). Just go back and click on "Parenting After Separation" and you'll be linked to the site.

But now about your sitch, you are probably right about your H thinking that you and your D are a package. That may very well be why he keeps bailing - he doesn't want to face you. Let him stay in his fantasy world - there is no way to pull him out and trying to do so will only fail and come at a huge emotional cost to you. Detach as much as you can. He is lost in a fog, he doesn't see what he is doing, he doesn't care. One day he will, but you can't sit around waiting for that to happen. Maybe you just shouldn't tell your D when he says he wants to see her - that way she won't get her hopes up. If he shows, it will be a wonderful surprise for her, if not, only you know.

You're also right about a schedule - it will save your sanity right now. I was so lonely and exhausted doing everything myself, plus the weight of my emotions, I felt like I was sleepwalking most of the time. Until we got ourselves into the right schedule. It was good for me and essential for my D. And I see now how having our schedule disrupted has wreaked havoc with her emotionally.

I think about you often and am sending good vibes your way. You will survive this and every day you get stronger. One day you will wake up and surprise yourself by saying "I'm going to be okay", and it won't sound like a lie.

FA