Newbie w/ LDH

[ksuer06]

Recently, at my suggestion, we have agreed to take turns intiating. The intiator gets to decide where, what, when. We are also going to take turns doing something intimate - be it a bath, massage, whatever. I don't know if this would work for you guys, but I already feel less pressure and less like a failure.

Light - this would probably work if he was in the mood to initiate. We've tried scheduling it into the calendar (then we both dreaded it the whole day b/c we knew how it was going to end), we tried never turning eachother down, we tried a lot of things. But the end result is still the same. He feels pressure to perform and ends up like a limp noodle. Anxiety attack, again. Counselor once said that he had all of the issues, he needed to fix himself, and I couldn't do anything. I left that session crying. We never went to her again - or any other counselor for that matter. He was pissed b/c he felt like our marriage was entirely on his shoulders (what a great way to reduce the anxiety!) and I was pissed b/c I felt like we were never going to have a normal sex life (you know, more than twice a year). So the last time we saw a counselor was over a year ago. I've thought about going to a different one, but H doesn't think that it's helped, so he doesn't want to go. He wants to figure this out ourselves. I told him that we would've done that 5.5 years ago if we knew how. He agreed. . .and we never really got anywhere from that conversation. Well, I take that back, we agreed on two things. 1) never turn down sex when the other initiates & 2) he can't watch porn to get off. That never bothered me before, but for the past year our sex life has basically become zilch, and I almost feel as if he's cheating on me. I know that it's just porn, he has no attachment to those women, but it's so hard for me to think about him staring at those women, desiring them, getting turned on by them, and then coming to bed and sleeping next to me. That just tears me up inside.