I'm so glad you replied to my post. You did bring out more things this time around that does sound to me like your W could very well be in a MLC.......plus with the help of that great counselor, she is convinced that you are the cause of all her problems! That is so awful that the C would suggest a sepration when there has been no abuse, but as I said before, I've heard of this happening.
I think you have a good insight to what is happening. Since the two of you have a D.....that means there is still a connection there that will always bind the two of you. Even if your W does not want to talk to you or see you, there will be times that it will be necessary.......that is good for you b/c you can use that as an opportunity to allow her to see the positive changes in you. It is great that you like to joke and have an out-going personality. It is much harder on the guys that are so serious b/c they don't know how to get around that and stay away from the R talks and showing how "down" they are. But, don't worry about her thinking that it means a separation was "good"......it works the other way....trust me. It is when she sees the "bad" side of you that she will think the S was for the best. However, when she sees the man she fell in love with....it is going to tug at her heart like you wouldn't believe! That is when she will start to question her decision to leave.
I know how hard it must be b/c I am turned much like you describe yourself and I know that I would want to talk R every chance I got. I was always that way in the first years of my M and my H never would talk! Anyway, since I have sort of been on the other side of the fense now, I can see where your W is coming from. So, do like the DB book says. Some of us on here may disagree with each other from time to time, but I think we all agree with Michelle and her advice in the book. It has been tried and proven above what other methods claim. No, all R do not make it back. Yes, some do divorce. But, they would have with other methods also and even if they divorce, it doesn't mean it's over.....unless she gets married to another man. So, don't give up. And when you want to explode.....and you will.....come here to us and vent to us. That is why we are here, to encourage and to listen. Then you will be better prepared when you see or talk to her the next time.
Take care of yourself....that is very important.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
