DR Chapter 3 - Know What You Want

[sparkie]

4. Make more quality time to enjoy each others company.

Define quality time. What will you be doing? What will she be doing? What will you both be doing together?

After reading The Five Love Languages, I now know why I put quality time on my list of "knowing what I want". My primary love language is quality time, with touch being my secondary love language.

Spending quality time with my W has not been easy over the years. Between her family, the kids, and her work, my W has been either too "busy" or too tired to devote much, if any, time for us.

My W and I used to take late night walks, holding hands and talking about anything and everything. We would laugh and play little games as we walked around the neighborhood. I had her undivided attention and she had mine. I felt loved and appreciated by my W.

We also used to frequent the shores of Lake Erie where we would hold hands, embrace each other, and get lost in the beauty of the sunset. There were no outside distractions to come between us. I felt loved as our two souls joined each other and we became "one".

Going to the drive-in during the summer months was also quality time well spent together. My W gets so involved with the movie that I sometimes just sat there and watched her as she would bite her nails, scream out at the movie screen, or grab hold of my arm. I felt loved and a special kind of closeness to my W.

Quality time in the house was difficult as there always seemed to be kids running in and out or never ending phone calls. When we did have the house to ourselves, I would lay my head on my W's lap as we watched TV. No words needed to be spoken as my W would stroke my head with a delicate and loving touch and I would return the love by gently hugging and rubbing her leg. I felt loved and cherished by my W.

Quality time in having sex has never been easy in our house. Once again between the kids and my W always working, we were lucky to get even 30 minutes alone in any one day. Sometimes we would have the house to ourselves but my W seemed to be "too tired" and preferred to relax and watch TV. Sex twice per month was the norm with an occasional "bonus" day here and there. When we did have sex, I felt loved and desired by my W.

Knowing what I know now, I'd say the lack of quality time with my W may have been part of the cause for much of my anger and frustration over the past couple of years. My "love tank" was running close to empty as I was starving for love and affection. I took my anger and frustration out on everyone around me. Now that I am all alone, my "love tank" is pretty much bone dry, but I am learning to control my anger and frustration.