I'm a little empathetic to your H if he has had or has depression and the problems it can cause with marriage b/c that happened to me and basically part of the reason at least why my H started his affair, he was unhappy with the way I was acting after I had been depressed for several years. It is difficult to live/be married to a depressed person I know (and to be a depressed person). I have been getting counseling and have started on AD's though and it has made a world of difference in my life.
I can understand why you would be hesitant to live with someone that you think has depression issues, maybe you could try talking with him about that and see if he would consider AD's at least? Would he talk to his doctor about that?
It also sounds like he some anger issues also, my H has them also. I think my H says stuff that he doesn't mean half the time when he is angry, and it sounds like your H might be like this too. My H is going to counseling for that so I am hoping that will help, because of course it is still really upsetting though, and as you say hard to forgive and forget. I guess as you say, you have to figure it out on your own...Karen43
