Fearless. I just read the link about Archetypes101 / See her website for more information if you're interested: Hero Within
I am reading a book "Mistakes Were Made, but Not By Me" and some of the things in the link you posted are related, especially the quote "Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses."
Mistakes Were Made... comes from the point, people justify their POV by either stating their differences or the likenesses according to which side of an issue they currently stand.
The condemnation part comes into play when people are on opposite sides of a belief. When condemnation is played out to unreasonable length, the truth becomes not/non important, therefore becoming oppressive, especially in a R.
I also saw some John Bradshaw like writing/statements in the Archetypes descriptions.
The Link you posted, suggested reading The Hero Within: Six Archetypes We Live By, first. Is that good advice or is there another book that is short and does a good job describing the 12 types?
I am reading a book "Mistakes Were Made, but Not By Me"
I haven't finished it but it is a great book. It really makes you think!!
The Link you posted, suggested reading The Hero Within: Six Archetypes We Live By, first. Is that good advice or is there another book that is short and does a good job describing the 12 types?
I read the Six Archetypes first because the Twelve had not come out yet. It's probably been 5 years since I read the first and over 2 since I read the latter. I really enjoyed the 12 Archetypes and plan on using some of my time off in April/May to reread and work through the exercises. I guess I'm stalling a bit:) I don't really think you can go wrong either way. The first is shorter so it would give you a taste and an idea of whether you find it useful. The second is more in-depth.
I'm not familiar with John Bradshaw so that gives me something to look up.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Sorry Fearless, I meant to say John Maxwell. I have read so many books the last couple of years some of the works seem to over lap.
John Bradshaw wrote "Healing the Shame That Binds You"
John Maxwell's works mostly deal with becoming a better leader. I look at the Bradshaw's book as work on what is wrong and Maxwell as what to do to improve yourself and how to work with other people so a win, win situation is likely to happen.
Maxwell is market to business development/leadership but can also be used in a person's family life.
"Mistakes Were Made, but Not By Me" I read the first chapter, "Cognitive Dissonance: The Engine of Self-justification" and Chapter 6, "Love's Assassin: Self-justification in Marriage."
It really makes you think!! Yes it does cause me to think differently about why I do some things and why other people do some of the things they do.
I see John Guttmann’s (p.171-2) work is referenced about predicting how M's will progress and the 5 to 1 ratio (compliment to criticism) is also used. Other writers also use the 5:1 ratio so maybe it is important.
I don't have any problem understanding the books I read. I have problems remembering all of the information and how to apply some/many of concepts. Some books I have read, seem to go on and on about a concept. I lose interest and skip parts ( speed read/skim), hopefully not important parts.
One writer I was reading took "The Five Love Languages" book and condensed it to one page. I like the idea of condensing books / Cliff notes but that was a little too condensed. I would like to read some books in a Reader's Digest format first, then read chapters of the full version.
Back to my laser printer repair manuals, Better Investing, "How to Organize and Run an Investment Club" training guide, and the Value Line reports for the holdings/stocks of our investment club owns.
Last minuet up-date. Add a washing machine repair manual. Just had another "error code" show up on our deluxe Whirlpool, front loading, hi-tech, low water use, clothes washing machine. :evil frown:
Interesting you mention the 5-1 praise to criticism ratio. Here's an article I sometimes leave with clients to help them reinforce the positive changes they want to see in their departments. You might find it interesting.
Praise to Criticism Study
"People will engage in pleasant activities. Research in education has shown that it takes a 4 to 1 praise to criticism ratio to maintain ideal student on-task behavior. To change student behavior, it takes a significantly higher ratio, about 8 to 1 praise to criticism.
Researchers also asked teachers to record how they use various techniques to change student behavior. They asked teachers to group their behavior change methods into seven categories which included: pain, fear and anxiety, frustration, humiliation and embarrassment, boredom, physical discomfort, and positive comments. When they analyzed the data, they found that the actual praise to criticism ratio was 1 to 4---that's one praise to four criticisms! Teachers, by their patterns of verbal interaction, were actually creating off-task problems for themselves.
How do the above apply in your situation as a leader? Do you praise more often than criticize? Or is it the other way around? Think about it." - Praise to Criticism Ratio (http://www.isixsigma.com/)
(ETA - After reading this, it would probably be useful for anyone looking to "change" someone's behavior. Read it carefully - an 8 -1 praise to criticism ratio is recommended!!)
I did look up Bradshaw and was interested in his book on Shame. If you remember my XH has a serious shame issue that I think (I hope) he is still working on. The few reviews I read on Amazon were good but they all involve the classic shame model where the parents actively criticized or abused the children in creating shame. In my XH's case his parents and family NEVER criticized him and certainly never abused him. He was the baby of the family and was coddled. Their family also hates confrontation so even if XH did something wrong, his behavior was usually not addressed. He would not even admit to drinking to them and actually hid it through his 20s and thirties. Yet he told me and believed that they would love him no matter what. He said his hiding was merely to respect them.
While it is now clear that shame is what has eaten him up for years and what has driven some very poor decisions on his part, he had/has always projected a very strong positive self-image so to find out he had this deep level of shame was a surprise to me and I know it would be to the people who know him.
Anyway I ask because I am not sure he would relate if the book was mostly about how awful people were treated and focused on how to deal with that in adulthood. He adores his parents and almost idolizes them. To me they were great people but somewhat claustrophobic at the same time. But I could see how that would seem comforting if that is all you know??
Anyway I have heard of Maxwell and even have one of his books on Leadership which I have not read yet.
I used to work at Whirlpool and might be able to contact some friends if you have any questions about your washer! You do know that using the HE detergent is important to the machine, right? Out of curiosity, have you had any problems with the dryer?
Last edited by fearless; 01/31/0807:19 PM.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Fearless You do know that using the HE detergent is important to the machine, right? I read I am supposed to use HE detergent but I don't, never has a suds error, never had anything scum or plug up. I use Costco detergent very sparingly. If I buy a “saver” machine, I want to save. HE cost lots more. Where is the savings if I use HE detergent?
I bought my Chevy Aveo to save on gas and $$. A Honda hybrid gets better fuel mileage but cost more than twice as much $$$$ Aveo= $8,850 32/37 MPG vs. Honda=$22,600 40/45 MPG
Out of curiosity, have you had any problems with the dryer? The gas dryer works perfectly.
I sent a detailed list of symptoms, repairs I made, parts I installed, to Whirlpool, but like so many other companies got an automated "Thank you for your inquiry" reply with a "do not reply" attachment.
My local dealer told me to run it through a self test, but told me it he wasn’t supposed to let that information out to the public.
Today I have a copier that I am overhauling and am behind schedule so will answer more of the washer questions later today or tomorrow.
Kett, thank you for the article link. I've found it helpful with what I'm currently dealing with - I imagine I'll find myself reading it often. I even stole something off the site and changed my signature line (I was getting a bit tired of the old one anyway).
Expect me to be dropping in every once in a while and come visit me if you like.
I was missing the point of Frank Herbert's famous Litany: "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." ....
However, I have to admit, "We have nothing to fear but the fear of fear itself" doesn't have *quite* the same ring; grin.
What's the other saying "Feel the fear and do it anyway"?
Yep, I like that one too. I chose fearless for my screen name because my XH and I had just separated for the second time for what looked to be a final separation (and it was) and I wanted to stay focused on improving myself (which could potentially give the marriage a chance) versus sinking into the fear that the man I had married, planned to have children with and live 'til death do us part had really truly abandoned me.
When you do read Hollis, let me know which book and what you think. I need to do some rereading!!
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
