Having trouble not "pursuing"...

[minkerman]

Going 'dim' versus going 'dark' is working somewhat for me, I think.

What we have been doing is that we will have a flurry of emails or phone calls (yes, some initiated by me), keep everything light and don't get into too much deep discussion. Since I am the DB'ing one, I try to show myself in a positive light, lots of laughing, support and validation. It's not fake, I do wholeheartedly believe in what we are saying to each other, and I DO understand why she wants time living on her own. Anyway, then we will go a day or two with little or no contact. Then a flurry again. That just seems to be our dynamic.

So, as the book says...stand back and ask yourself how it's working.

Today on the phone we were talking about selling our powerboat and potentially buying a sailboat. Making boating more about the journey than the destination, "just like our life is right now" she said. Plus, she said "if we end up back together, I would enjoy sailing", but "if we don't, I think you'd like it too". Neutral comments like that are far better than "when we split up", right?

So far, so good, I think. Going dim is a good concept.