... he did say repeatedly that "I dont' knwo what to do in these cases (S), the procedure". I told him we make the rules and adjust as time goes by.
Have not slept much since Monday, maybe 4-5hrs each day, if you can recommend something to help me sleep I'd appreciate it
My "good patches" when I feel ok are getting longer
I pray for God to surround my home with His angels, and around H too as he seeks for peace and healing.
Guess I still belong here, since in some ways this S is towards piecing
Cat, you definately do still belong here. There can be a lot of reconciliation done while separated -- that's what I'm doing and things are going very well after 10 months of separation. No need to feel apologetic about moving the battle for the marriage to a new venue. Michele said in her book, if something is not working then stop doing that and try something different. This is 'different', but still piecing the marriage back together. In spite of everything, both you and H are still trying to have a relationship, still trying to pick up the pieces. And that's what counts, the intention and the desire on the part of both partners, in the face of a disability on the part of one of the partners.
About sleeping -- actually, I think you are already doing pretty well on that. 5-6 hours in this situation is nothing to sneeze at! But some things to promote sleep are: -- exercise during the day, a half hour of brisk walking is good -- chamomile tea at bedtime -- a journal handy to write down (and thus dismiss) persistent anxious or angry thoughts that arise when you're about to nod off -- trying out an alternative place to sleep, like the living room couch, if wakeful at night. Keeping the house a little cooler so you enjoy snuggling under your blankie. A nightlight and some very soft soporific/benign/heavenly music, or a CD bedtime story on 'repeat' on the CD player.
Another thing that might be helpful for you to consider -- I think this comes under the category of GAL, but it is not so aggressively 'social' as most GAL suggested activities -- use your new free time to develop some new household activities that you always wanted to do/never had the time to do/kept putting off. You wouldn't believe how important things like "breadmaking" became to me after Sep. A fresh baked homemade loaf also makes a welcome loving gift to send to H, even if you are NC or limited contact. Sometimes I think that whatever gains I made in reconciliation were mediated by homemade bread as well as by the important changes I made in myself related to 'independence'.
I have the strong feeling that H has his nose put out of joint by this Sep -- even though he was the one to bring up the subject first. This is not a rational process, keep reminding yourself of that. He'll get over it, especially if you do continue to look after him in very small ways, short of significant contact and without ongoing R talks. Cat, do try to stick to your guns about not tolerating OW contact. You tried it the other way and it didn't work.
Wishing you the best, Cat, you surely do deserve it, and it will come, but as usual in this frustrating process, very slowly.
