Give yourself permission to fantasize during sex too, even if it's not about your H. I have a few reliable ones that I need to focus on to reach orgasm - keeps me in the moment, because if my mind is not in the room, my body isn't having much fun.
Personally, I'd like to understand a bit more about this. Is this common for example? How does it realate to your R overall?
Don't know what you're asking about - fantasizing? I'm sure it is common. On occasion it's been about a particular real person who I find attractive, mostly it's a certain scenario and I have a few variations of setting/action.
Many (I would probably even say most) women can't come just from intercourse. Kind of a bad design, the clitoris being on the outside, but since that's what we've got, it helps to remember that it also needs attention in order for someone to achieve orgasm - most of the time for most women, some of the time for some women, some of the time for some of us depending on the day...
There are real men in my world that I find attractive, No Sale - I'm married, not dead. Finding another man attractive is not sufficient reason to toss my marriage and run off - fortunately, I find my H very attractive too.
I was totally ND for quite a while in our R, after our second child was born. Things had slowed down quite a bit already after the birth of our first child and once there were two, we really got started on the cycle of tension and fighting that we lived with for a number of years, although I didn't notice it at the time - I don't where my head was, really, in those years. Actually, that's not true - I entered a deep depression after my son was a year old and don't think I ever really came out of it until starting ADs last fall.
