Becoming Friendly With The Beast

[fearless]

Lou,

Interesting you mention the 5-1 praise to criticism ratio. Here's an article I sometimes leave with clients to help them reinforce the positive changes they want to see in their departments. You might find it interesting.

Praise to Criticism Study

"People will engage in pleasant activities. Research in education has shown that it takes a 4 to 1 praise to criticism ratio to maintain ideal student on-task behavior. To change student behavior, it takes a significantly higher ratio, about 8 to 1 praise to criticism.

Researchers also asked teachers to record how they use various techniques to change student behavior. They asked teachers to group their behavior change methods into seven categories which included: pain, fear and anxiety, frustration, humiliation and embarrassment, boredom, physical discomfort, and positive comments.
When they analyzed the data, they found that the actual praise to criticism ratio was 1 to 4---that's one praise to four criticisms! Teachers, by their patterns of verbal interaction, were actually creating off-task problems for themselves.

How do the above apply in your situation as a leader? Do you praise more often than criticize? Or is it the other way around? Think about it." - Praise to Criticism Ratio (http://www.isixsigma.com/)


(ETA - After reading this, it would probably be useful for anyone looking to "change" someone's behavior. Read it carefully - an 8 -1 praise to criticism ratio is recommended!!)

I did look up Bradshaw and was interested in his book on Shame. If you remember my XH has a serious shame issue that I think (I hope) he is still working on. The few reviews I read on Amazon were good but they all involve the classic shame model where the parents actively criticized or abused the children in creating shame. In my XH's case his parents and family NEVER criticized him and certainly never abused him. He was the baby of the family and was coddled. Their family also hates confrontation so even if XH did something wrong, his behavior was usually not addressed. He would not even admit to drinking to them and actually hid it through his 20s and thirties. Yet he told me and believed that they would love him no matter what. He said his hiding was merely to respect them.

While it is now clear that shame is what has eaten him up for years and what has driven some very poor decisions on his part, he had/has always projected a very strong positive self-image so to find out he had this deep level of shame was a surprise to me and I know it would be to the people who know him.

Anyway I ask because I am not sure he would relate if the book was mostly about how awful people were treated and focused on how to deal with that in adulthood. He adores his parents and almost idolizes them. To me they were great people but somewhat claustrophobic at the same time. But I could see how that would seem comforting if that is all you know??

Anyway I have heard of Maxwell and even have one of his books on Leadership which I have not read yet.

I used to work at Whirlpool and might be able to contact some friends if you have any questions about your washer! You do know that using the HE detergent is important to the machine, right? Out of curiosity, have you had any problems with the dryer?