ntl, I am proud of you, and H too. A lot of courage on both of your parts. I resonate very much to this structured approach to marriage repair, it is similiar in spirit to the Reconciliation Agreement in my own breached M. The good thing about a formal agreement is that it gives a measurable response -- how well is each partner holding to his/her small committments? If there is a lapse in any of the conditions by either of the partners it can be immediately addressed -- and should be. In my experience there was much to be learned about the marriage relationship from going after a lapse, not letting it go by when it would have been easy to let it go by, there was a significant leap in healing that arose from this, so I urge you to be serious about keeping to the small agreements you and H have made, as well as the large ones. It really does keep the two of you on track and moving forward. This doesn't means it's easy, just do-able.
Please keep giving updates, I'm really interested to see how this plays out for you and I wish you all the best.
