Overwhelmed with uncertainty

[Michael Mc C]

Probably a good idea to repost here... Have copied over your two posts:

Hi there. Im new to the site but not DBing. Bought the book almost 3 yrs ago when it all hit the fan. Anyhow, I guess I should start with the basics.

Me - 32
H - 33
Kids - 3 sons, ages 12, 8, and 3
M'ed in 1997
S'ed in 2005

Current status of our R - still S'ed. Originally filed for D in May 2006, but before we were due in court, H came to me saying he wanted to work it out because he missed me and the kids, and he wanted to be a family again, which I wanted as well. I think I asked for 2 or 3 continuances since that time, not totally taking the D off-calendar until Feb 2007, when H assured me that he wanted to be together.

Finally, I reached a point where I grew tired of hearing words and not seeing actions on his part to support his words, so I filed for a second time this past November. We are set to go to court this March 4th.

Not all that surprising, H came to me about 3 or 4 weeks ago to talk about reconciliation yet once again. Says all he knows is that he is miserable with everything. He looks back at past mistakes and wishes he could do it all over again, and do it right. He says he understands now that all R's are two-way streets, and they need to be nurtured. Says he now can see how selfish he was back then and never wants to be that way again.

He says he wants the real thing, and what we had back then was definitely the real thing. Not something phony, which is how we would both describe the relationships we've had since our S. There was no real love in any of them. (Since being S'ed, we both have dated others.)

All of this is great. I believe it is exactly what anyone in my sitch would hope to hear from their spouse. Yet, they are just words. Words that I have often heard over the last couple of years but not yet seen put into action, until recently. (I have always stressed to H that spending time together was going to be vital for this R, for me, to work. He's always known it, too, and the lack of QT together was our biggest downfall.)

H and I have had a couple of dates together, with the kids, since the beginning of this year. One weekend, we took the boys to see "Walking With Dinosaurs", and on another, we took them to the movies together.

This Super Bowl weekend, H and I are supposed to go to Reno, alone. He's asked me a few times if I'm excited about it, and I've said yes.

Truth is...I'm not. I'm happy about going to Reno, only because it has been a long time since I've gotten to go away for a weekend. However, I'm not excited about going with H. I'm uncertain. About everything.

H says he still loves me and misses me, wants to spend time with me. But I can't help feeling as though it's not entirely true. I often feel like he just wants to work it out because "it's cheaper to keep her." 3 kids together, and a wife who didn't work in order to stay home with them....You do the math.

I'll go more into why I feel this way later. Right now, unfortunately, I'm running short on time.

Before I go, let me add that I know I'm part to blame for our M going the way it has. It's not all his fault, and I'm sorry if I've made it sound like it is in any way. I've even expressed this to H, many times. But he tells me I have nothing to be sorry about. He continues to say that it was all him. I know that's not true.

Thank you for listening.

TroubledUncertainty