I don't know if channeling me is such a wise thing. I can't say that any of my approaches to facing my spouse's belligerence has gotten me anywhere but deeper in the hole. And I can't say that I've been very successful in controlling the one thing that I am able, my mood, in such circumstances.
Your H getting his nose out of joint over you declining ML sounds sooo much like my W. W's self-esteem is so tied to her sexuality, that any such "rejection" she sees as an unforgivable offense. (Sometimes, I wonder whether my W is wired more like a stereotypical guy in that respect.)
For a long time after the bomb, I accepted her complaint that there had to be something wrong with me in that I was "not like most men" and ready to pleasure her at the drop of a hat. I began to wonder whether I was a LD spouse. But I know now that I have been harboring a tremendous amount of desire for her for a very long time now. But between her demands and her mounting disrespect and my deep, dark depression that resulted, I could not bring myself at times to simply submit to her wants or needs. I want to love the person I ML with, and I need for it to be mutual. I've experienced the absolute best with her, and I didn't want to continue settling for less than that.
My W, after a while, was just wanting me to express my love for her, but without really reciprocating herself. I could see that, subconsciously. I guess I knew deep down that it was all for her, not me and certainly not us, not any longer. For her.
Men just cannot "fake it".
So I understand your H's anger (though I think he's acting like a child), but I also know why you turned him down too. Right now, your H just wants you to want him for his own ego's sake. His anger shows he wants this for his own selfish wants, not for you. And unless you can both come to the table, so to speak, with each others' needs in mind first and mutually, then it doesn't make sense.
