NikB #24

[NikB]

Thank you all so much!! Lots of great points and things to think about.

OT
RIGHT now? That secure loving M I mentioned would be good. But in terms of what is actually realistic.. I was really mulling that over all day and then SD pretty much hit the nail on the head - posting exactly what I was thinking. I would love some kind of clarity on what it is that I really do want, and how to work towards that instead of being stuck.

About the strawberries - thank you for the advice!! I made them once but it was a lonnng time ago and I didn't remember how to do it. I hope I can make them - went to two stores yesterday and one had some really sad looking strawberries, the other they looked good but they were really expensive! Trying Smart & Final tomorrow, I imagine I'll have more luck there.

Michelle
Aww thanks! I hope it's fun, I think it will be. I normally do a lot more decorating and such but trying to keep it casual and low key, so I'm restraining myself..haha.

ST
Dunno.. it is very odd on creepy guy. The only person that knew anything was the organizer (well, plus you guys, and my Mom... ). It's entirely possible he just dropped out and decided to go to something else, but it's still weird that he ALSO deleted his messages.

On the limbo/MLC - well, we're coming up on 2 years in May since he apparently decided he was "done." That was prior to our weird "summer of lasts" where he was almost going over the top to make things good.. but in a weird final way.. like our "last" trip to the fair together, "last" time boating.. he never SAID it but I definitely felt it and knew something was off. Oh and the summer of OW where I tried to be friends with her and all that ick. The bomb dropped in October of that year. Hard to believe it has been so long.

Progress is a funny thing.. 6 months ago things were MUCH better.. 3 months ago, MUCH worse than they are today. I have a LOT of patience, but the question definitely comes to mind that at some point that may be a bad thing.

Anyway.. not to sound "down," just in a kind of thoughtful mood.

On the mood - I think it really was just one of those days - and you're right, we all have 'em! I don't think it has anything to do with me really. Even with all the GAL stuff I've made sure to check out his race car progress every day, talk about how his day was, cook dinner and we eat together, etc. He was in a much better mood last night. Sooo nice too, I was cleaning for the party and he started helping me - even steam cleaned the carpet!! Wow!! Yes, thanked him profusely for that.

SD
Hey if you want to take a little road trip you're welcome to come over! (ok that's more than a "little" road trip..haha).

Good point about snapping at H. We ALL have our "moments" that's for sure.

About IC - short answer is no, I'm not, and I know I should be. Longer answer... I haven't ignored this but I did give up when I shouldn't have! I may need to just suck it up and pay for one that's not on my insurance. I had/have a list of about 30 that are covered. Saw two different ones and they were really, really bad. So.. I decided to start "screening" them before hand and called another dozen or so of the covered ones. Most didn't call me back and the ones that did sounded about as off the wall as the first two. So.. I should probably either go to our MC as my IC, or ask her for recommendations (I did this before but she didn't know most of the ones on my insurance - the ones she did know were on the list that didn't call me back - I'm sure she knows plenty who are not on my insurance).

I really like that book line!! You are absolutely right.

Ohhh yes, H is very uncomfortable with expressing his feelings.. the few times we saw the MC she was amazed at just how hard it was to get him to talk (I was amazed at how much she got him to, though.. usually after some lonnnnng uncomfortable silences and lots of starts and stops on H's part).

You're right that we'll need to have that talk at some point, and I completely agree with you that I need to get clear on my own feelings first. As I mentioned I kept mulling over OT's post all day yesterday and I came to that same conclusion. I will "think" I'm clear when I'm really not. Thanks for the reminder how important this is as part of life in general too, not just in our sitches.

OT and SD
I don't think MC is a 100% requirement for reconciliation - but would agree tht in our case I think it's going to be the best bet for learning how to communicate better. We could attempt it on our own too, just think MC would be far more effective - at least a few sessions to learn some better ways to handle things.

H / Dr. L
haha you've been found out, you ARE the creepy guy!! I'm totally kidding..

There really aren't any "rules" for meetup. It's all left to the individual organizers of each group. It's really sort of a "social networking" version of Craigslist or something. The organizer of the wine/cheese party group said that if he does get out of hand I could get in touch with the people who run the site and they can block him - but it's not really at that point, just enough to make me cautious about the guy.

haha a beer and chips party eh? I'll keep it in mind!