Helloooo...Smoother Ride....Where Are You???

[SueS]

Hello-

Somewhat of a quiet night last night. H called from work and talked for 10 minutes and then said he'd called to tell me that he was going out with friends after work. I woke up at 1:25 and didn't hear a peep in the house. I was too tired to get up and see if he was home. Woke up at 3:00 to H snuggling up next to me. Shortly after that D3 woke up coughing. I ended up falling asleep in her room since I found myself going back and forth for about 1/2 hour helping her anyway. H was passed out so he didn't notice the difference.

I called H this morning to ask him to make sure D3 got some medicine, as she had a rough night. He got a bit snippy and said, I can tell she's sick and I already gave her some. I got an email from H a few minutes later. It was a crude email that a friend of his had forwarded him. A bunch of pictures of women, girls....etc. in cut off shirts, shorts, thongs showing....all with different captions underneath. (And no, I won't forward it on!) See, he seems to think that since he thought it was funny before and I didn't care, that it's funny now and I won't care. lwb, I thought of that stupid comment your H made about the HOT mom at school and my H's stupid question about if a mom giving a party for D3's & D4's was HOT.

Still tired today. I'm under the weather and with D3 the same and not sleeping well, I'm not sleeping well either. My parents are coming in town tomorrow. My dad has a "well check" at the Mayo Clinic on Monday. Then they are taking D3 home with them for a week or so. I'll miss her like crazy and it hit me that I'm not sure how H & I will handle things at home with just the two of us. She's been our buffer.

Another way of trying to get all my ducks in a row is looking at Child Support information for my state. I started doing that yesterday so I could figure out how much H would pay or I'd need if we split. It looks like H would be required to do a direct deposit into my account. I can ask mcojh too, as he's in MN. Just too much to think about, especially when you didn't ask to be put in the situation.

I keep thinking about how D3 will be if/when this happens. She asks H all the time when he'll be home. Last night on the phone she asked him what time he'd be home and then told him that he couldn't go out because he's supposed to come right home after work. In the midst of her coughing and being sleepy at 3:30 this AM, she asked me if daddy was home. I know that things would eventually get better, but it just hurts my heart to think that I'll need to try to explain it to her.

I took a look back at all my posts. I had posted way back in 6/05 when things were tough after we moved to MN. H had a hard time finding a job, things blew up and he left us for 2 weeks and went to his dad's. In that posting, I saw that I had asked H to get help with his drinking. His response was that having worked in the insurance business, as he had, he was afraid that any type of treatment would come up on a background check and would prevent him from getting a job. So, deep down my H is aware that there's a problem, he just won't admit it or get treatment. I was outright and honest with my SIL the other day. I asked her that if the opportunity ever comes up, that I'd like my H's family to suggest some sort of help or support for him. Maybe that's not right for me to do, but they all agree that inside he's screaming for help. I told her that after all he's done to me, I still don't want to see him hurt and I want to see him find happiness someday, but I don't think he'll find it if he continues down this path or as Piglet2 said, around this cycle. And, ultimately, what affects him, affects D3 and I have to watch out for her.

Oh, a happy thing to look forward to. I am taking D3 to dinner and the bookstore tonight for some mommy/d3 time! She's so excited.

Thanks- SueS