It was not the best experience I've ever had but not the worst either.
What would have made it better? Not ever encounter is going to be fabulous, certainly, but maybe it would be helpful to think about what made it so-so for you.
Some of the things I have done are things that make me feel sexier. I went out and bought some new underwear and have sworn off the usual sleepwear. I got rid of clothes I thought were frumpy and bought a few new things that make me feel sexier. When I see a love scene on TV or read about one I start thinking about being with cac. I used to see love scenes and feel both guilty and at the same time wish that things were better for us. But I just didn't know what to do about it back then.
When you're ML, you need to discipline your mind to stay there with you. If you find yourself thinking about your 'to do' list, make yourself come back to where you are and what you are doing.
I find that if I focus on my H's skin - how it feels under my hand, the smell - that can keep me in the moment. I also try to visualize the connection between our bodies, mostly focusing on his [stuck here, can't use the word I would usually use, but 'penis' is not what I'm thinking while having sex].
Give yourself permission to fantasize during sex too, even if it's not about your H. I have a few reliable ones that I need to focus on to reach orgasm - keeps me in the moment, because if my mind is not in the room, my body isn't having much fun.
Burning desire! Seriously, I felt no desire when we started, but I wanted to ML because he did initiate and we need to become less polarized. I was definitely enjoying parts of it - but some things would go on too long and I have two problems with telling him what I like: 1/ he doesn't remember (thus the puppy remark above may be helpful) and 2/I'm shy about these things. Inhibited - no - but definitely shy. I thought that once I'd been married I'd feel less shy, but the truth is all the crap that has happened makes me feel more tongue tied.
I like the idea of getting rid of frump wear and buying more sexy things. I've tried that in very small doses, but when H doesn't even notice or says he doesn't really like something it is like another put down. I'm just so sensitive to criticism at this point.
I believe that to a large degree - and I do have a tendency to let my mind drift. I did have an O last night but it was so miniscule it left no warm and fuzzy feelings afterward - just disappointment. The natural testosterone did help but then I have to deal with side effects. Which is worse? I'm not sure.
The other thing I thought about last night while ML, is that I've worked hard to stay in shape but my H has let himself slip. Not horribly, but enough that I notice the difference.
I feel like I'm the only one working to improve things, and I know that isn't true...he does try.
I like the idea of getting rid of frump wear and buying more sexy things. I've tried that in very small doses, but when H doesn't even notice or says he doesn't really like something it is like another put down. I'm just so sensitive to criticism at this point.
But you're not doing it for HIM, you're doing it for YOU. Has he actually told you he didn't like your new new sexy things? I wouldn't like that either.
Oh, he'll say he's not a big fan or it's not a favorite. The other week he mentioned he thought I would look good in tall boots and a mini skirt. I felt like he must think I'm twenty something instead of 45. Plus, I've never been a fan of my legs and have muscular calves, so that outfit was not even a hit for me in my twenties!
Give yourself permission to fantasize during sex too, even if it's not about your H. I have a few reliable ones that I need to focus on to reach orgasm - keeps me in the moment, because if my mind is not in the room, my body isn't having much fun.
Personally, I'd like to understand a bit more about this. Is this common for example? How does it realate to your R overall?
I don't want to hijack this thread, so if interested (anyone) please follow up on mine. Besides, I think it relates a lot to my sitch. Here is the link Here is the link
No Sale - I wouldn't consider that a hijack. Fantasies seem like something that might help with the passion.
Maybe it's me (and that's why I want to discuss the topic); if all (most?, 50/50) women do it, then in of itself it isn't an indicator of a problem in my R.
Personally, if I wanted someone else, I'd end my M and go after it. I don't waste time (even when I was single) thinking about say a super model, TV star, [insert anyone else you will never meet]. Not that I don't aim high, I set very high goals and almost always attain them.
Again, that's me. It will be enlighting to hear from others, especially women, LD or not.
